"Anyways," Daily Beast? Seriously?

Update: Oh, look, the Daily Beast does have editors:

Elbows Akimbo, Ladies!

I think the promo shot for the *new* Crossfire on CNN says everything you need to know about the show. This has got to be the most blatantly revolting media concoction I've seen in some time. I love the way it's Photoshopped to look like the women are grinding their elbows into their cohorts' stomachs.

I didn't know there were factories big enough to produce the amount of phoniness this amazing photograph exudes.

Huffington Post Not Trying Very Hard To Come Up With Nickname For McDonnell

C'mon, Huffington Post, is that the best you can do? Gov. Gifty? Really? I think we can all do better than that. Here's some of mine:

• Governor Bribe McBriberson
• Governor Diet McSupplement
• Governor Robber McFavorville
• Governor Oops! Where Did That Rolex Come From?
• Governor Blame Miwifey
• Governor Quid McProquo
• Governor Wedding McPayforthecatering 
• Governor E-I-E-I-O-U

Well, OK, so that wasn't so easy after all. Still better than Gov. Gifty.

I Fucking Hate This Shit

Before I begin this post, I suppose I should say hello to my young nephews, who read this blog, and I better apologize for exposing them to such TERRIBLE and RARE swear words, which I'm sure they've never heard before, like, EVER. I'm sorry I failed to protect you from the awful filthy words. They're probably rolling their eyes and saying, "That's so gay" as we speak.

Moving on! The above screenshot is from Mediaite, and I really hate how they do that cutesy "having your cake and eating it too" method of "censoring" swear words. I mean, c'mon, who exactly do they think they're protecting? All the grade-schoolers who read Mediaite?

Also, when you write "b*tch" and "bullsh*t", I can totally tell what words they really are! So can, I imagine, my nephews, who I'm sure read Mediaite all the fucking time.

It's all so disingenuous. They're having it both ways: using the dreaded naughty vulgarisms while simultaneously pretending that they're censoring them.

What I'm trying to say here is that Mediaite is a bunch of cunts dummyheads.

The Blaze: Come For The Racism And Conspiracy Theories, Stay For The Animal Attacks!

I've kind of gotten hooked on Glenn Beck's The Blaze website. I mean, where else are you going to get SO MUCH White grievance and graphic footage of a shark attack, AND graphic footage of a crocodile attack?

Here We Go Again With The Anna Wintour Ambassadorship Rumors

Last December there were a bunch of rumors that Obama was going to give Anna Wiintour a plush reward for her support, namely an ambassadorship to either France or the UK. At the time, I pointed out that these rumors were manifestly ridiculous:

The source of this silly rumor (Why not David Geffen? one wonders) is a majestically cheat-sourced gossip piece from Bloomberg, an item lovingly crafted to dovetail with every possible permutation of conservatives' favorite Democratic Party caricature, that of the elitist limousine liberal:  Jane Fonda, aglitter, emerging from her town car upon arrival at a premier for a multimillion dollar anti-poverty film. This Anna Wintour fake story is just so on the nose, isn't it?

LOL, she "may be" nominated. Other people who "may be" nominated, but also won't be: Guy Fieri, Marilyn Manson, Tom Cruise, Marie Osmond, the guy you used to play Barney the Dinosaur, etc. 

And now it's happening again! This time it's –surprise!– The NY Post touching off the rumor with an item which is even less sourced than the old Bloomberg piece, and we're talking completely, utterly spun out of thin air.

And wouldn't you know it, Al Kamen in the Washington Post, who used to be savvy before he turned 200-years-old, totally fell for it and picked up on the rumor with utter credulity. This offers a great look at how stupid rumors (like our beloved Condi Veep Rumors) gather steam in Washington. Wintour, Kamen says, "had been talked about for either London or Paris early on." Technically this is true: it was talked about "early on" in gossip columns and the Drudge Report, but not by anybody serious and certainly not by the Obama administration. So, in other words, Kamen is using old rumors which turned out to be totally, completely false to lend credibility to the new rumors which also will turn out to be totally false.

By the end of today, these rumors will have jumped from the NY Post's total guess, to the Washington Post's starry-eyed and glamor-starved repeating of the story, to, no doubt, Fox News, where it will metastasize into a tale made-to-order for the conservative outrage machine.

So I'll repeat it once again: don't be ridiculous. Of course Anna Wintour isn't going to be named the next ambassador to Paris, to London, to anywhere. Come on, now!

Hardcore Apostrophe Abuse Courtesy Jennifer Rubin And The Washington Post

Intentional April 1 foolishness, or just par for the course?

CBS News Wanted To Hire An Insightful Political Commentator, But Instead Chose Condoleezza Rice

(Sparkle Pony flashback to April 30, 2006)

I've said before that America's Princess Diplomat is the luckiest duck in the world. She travels from exclusive corporate function to exclusive corporate function, gives the same bland speech and occasionally throws out some benighted opinions about current events, and then goes back to Stanford where evidently not much is expected of her. And at each stop along the way, she picks up her speaker's fee, said to be in the five figures.

And now, as if Condi hasn't enjoyed the largesse of corporate welfare quite enough, we learn that Bob Shieffer has announced that CBS has hired Dr. Ferragamo to be a regular, paid, staff contributor, rather than just having her on for free all the time. This is a particularly rich vindication for Condi, because at one point she was actually banned from CBS for being a "frustrating" talking point mimic.

Longtime Pony Pals may recall that Condi and CBS/Shieffer have a bit of a complicated history! Let's review:

• March 13, 2005: Bob Shieffer is all, like, "Huminahuminahumina" over Condi's sexy boots.
• April 30, 2006: "That sounds like a dodge," grouses Bob at Condi's incessant talking points.
• September 24, 2007: Condi is effectively banned from CBS. Schieffer explains, "I expected we'd just get a repetition of the administration's talking points."

That was then. But now –now!– they'll get superinsightful Condianalysis! Great buy, CBS. Maybe Condi will wear the boots again, Bob.

Abortions For Everybody!

(AP)

Ha ha, just kidding. Those are pizzas. PIZZAS. And it's kind of funny, but the press these days, when it comes to Joe Biden, seems to be more interested in his take-out food purchases than anything else. Donuts? Check. Pizza? Check. I guess it makes sense, because what is the vice president other than the president's delivery guy? Cheney delivered torture; Biden, pizza and donuts. I'll take... torture. Just kidding! Pizza! And donuts! Yay!

Adjustment Bureau

As you can see above, Bill Richardson argued with Newt Gingrich on the TV this morning about foreign policy 'n' such. On the one hand, Newt neglected to wear a flag pin and therefore hates America, but on the other hand –or on the other wrist, rather– Bill is sporting what appears to be an exceedingly ugly plastic watch.

But most, most, most of all:

The Weekly Standard Isn't Quite Done With Its Condi Veep Rumors Yet

See, people are so accustomed to Condi Veep Rumors that nobody paid much attention to Bill Kristol's recent attempt to "ship" (as all the fangirls say) Romnoleezza (Condomittney?) '12 to the masses.

Well, Kristol underling Daniel Halper at the WS aims to please, so OMG, you guys! He just got an email from Condi! Oh wait, it's just junk mail from some "Elect Republican Ladies" PAC to which Condi lent her name.

But no! Wait again! Condi, by involving herself in this PAC, is expressing her desire to be involved in this election!

Therefore: Romney-Rice 2012.

Quod erat demonstrandum. Yay!

But, uh-oh, here's John McCormack, also in the Weekly Standard, throwing cold water on the idea by reminding everybody that Condi is "mildly pro-choice." Terrors!

So anyway, this has been your Condi Veep Rumors™ roundup. Life is good.

Mediaite, Which Currently Features 25 Iterations Of The Word "Trump" On Its Homepage, Would Like To Admonish The Media For Paying Too Much Attention To Donald Trump

And to accomplish this noble goal, they will have a daily "Trump Watch" feature in which they shame other media outlets while they continue to breathlessly report every utterance and movement Donald Trump makes, as well as everything said about him by everybody else everywhere else. Perhaps Mediaite will even criticize Mediaite's obsessive Trump coverage, and then present the whole mess as a metastory about infighting at Mediaite over Trump coverage, like with the whole Meghan McCain thing! Fun!

And that's because too much too much Donald Trump is never too much.

I love you, MediaSnack™.

What If The Hosts Of Fox And Friends Were Suddenly Transformed Into Trained Seals?

• Monday: Harried set designers are relieved to have found an upholstery fabric for the couch which is both presentable and waterproof.
• Tuesday: Brian Kilmeade balances stool on snout, makes derisive comment about Barack Obama.
• Wednesday: Gretchen Carlson can't stop clapping and barking excitedly after guest makes a derisive comment about Barack Obama.
• Thursday:  Accusations of racism erupt when Steve Doocy compares Barack Obama to a killer whale.
• Friday: Hosts become churlish and uncooperative with trainers when sardine supply is exhausted much earlier than expected.

Quickie: Meanest Ever Gingrich Headline

(via WKBT, Wisconsin)

Jennifer Rubin Newt-Panic Roundup

Oh, Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer... I just love Jennifer Rubin so much! She is absolutely freaking the fuck out about Newt Gingrich, and it is the cutest thing ever. She simply... sparkles when she gets like this! It's times like this that I just want to dress Jennifer Rubin up in an adorable outfit and place her on one of those plinths at Trafalgar Square so that a whole bunch of random tourists can stare at her and see how great she is.

So anyway! Newt! OMG, here's just one day's worth:

• Grover Norquist hates Newt and so does Jen!
• Jen compares Newt to Bill Clinton.
• Reading a post titled "Gingrich has repeatedly sold out the right" is somewhat unnecessary after just reading the title.
• Gingrich was so too a lobbyist!
• Marco Rubio hates Newt and so does Jen! Note: these first five posts all appeared in a row!
• Ramesh Ponnuru hates Newt and so does Jen!
• Morning Newt-bashing link roundup.

For those keeping track, out of eight posts today (so far), seven have been mostly about how awful Newt Gingrich is.

Are you trying to tell us something, Jen? What are you implying about Newt Gingrich? She's so subtle, it can be hard to tell sometimes.

Quickie: Favorite AP Caption Correction Of The Year (So Far)

You Don't Have To Be A Genius At Wheel Of Fortune To Figure Out What Mediaite's Headline Is Trying To Say

Wait, called him a what? Flicking Arthole? If it said "F*cking A**hole," I'd totally get it, but that extra asterisk is confounding me.

This kind of cutesy censorship has become one of my pet peeves. It's one thing to delete expletives completely, but when you do that lame partial censorship, like saying "sh*t" or "c*nt" or, worst of all, "the f-word" or "the n-word," it drives me up the wall.  It's a completely hypocritical way to exploit vulgarity while pretending to be above it all. Who, exactly, is Mediaite trying not-very-hard to protect? All the toddlers who read their site?

OMG, Isn't It Hilarious That These Chinks Don't Know About Our Football

I don't usually get into all the Fox-bashing, because for one, I don't have cable TV, so I never see the stuff, and two because there are plenty of other people who bash Fox much more thoroughly and obsessively than I ever could. That said, this clip via Media Matters (obv) totally blew my mind:

Oh, ha ha ha! That is so hilarious that the Asian USC students don't know anything about their apparently famous and glorious football* team! Let's laugh and point at these nerds because they probably care about, ew, science 'n' stuff, ick, rather than the sports program which should be their primary concern. Plus, if this doesn't prove that the weird yellow aliens surrounding us and crushing in on us from all sides are anti-American, what will it take to convince you?  Mock them! Mock them now! These Chinks and Japs is hirarious!

*That's the one with the pointy ball, right?

Leave It To The UK Press To Put Yesterday's Palin/O'Donnell Dustup Into The Proper Context

(screenshot from the Daily Mail)

Did you watch that whole thing unfold yesterday? It was really funny: some dumb tea party event dumped Christine O'Donnell from their lineup, then they re-invited her, and then they dumped her again when Sarah Palin threatened to dump them. Got that? So Sarah will appear onstage with Michele Bachmann, but not with Christine O'Donnell. I guess that means some kind of threshold has been established.

But congrats to the Mail Onliine for putting it all into perspective: CATFIGHT! RAHHHHR! Fake fingernails and bobby pins flying everywhere!

Haw, it's always so funny when the gals get involved in the politics.

Important Disaster Update

I had not one, not two, but THREE tchotchkes fall over (!!!) on a shelf in my apartment yesterday, so don't tell ME about suffering, Haiti.