Jo Ann Emerson: $500 - $1,000 per Facial

I'm really going to miss Al Kamen, because in this morning's "In the Loop" in the Washington Post, he reports the following:

Mark the date! This e-mail invite arrived Friday:
Subject: Ladies Spa Event with Rep. Emerson
Monday, July 24th
Congresswoman Jo Ann Emerson (R-Mo.) invites you to join her for a Ladies Spa Afternoon Monday, July 24, 2006 2:00-4:00pm, ILO Salon, 1637 Wisconsin Ave., NW, between Q and Reservoir.
$500 personal or $1,000 PAC

Wow, I wonder how many facials she'll get, and I wonder how much she charges when it's not an election year? Questions, questions, questions. Plus, when does the video come out?

Relive Jo Ann Emerson week at Princess Sparkle Pony by clicking here.

I Just Knew We'd Hear From Jo Ann Emerson Again

See? I knew she had star potential. Such language, Jo Ann! Go here to relive Jo Ann Emerson Week on the Pink Pony.

Jo Ann Emerson: Forever Young

I've really enjoyed Jo Ann Emerson Week here at the Pink Pony, but if you love something, set it free, right? I'm so glad we've had this time together.

Maybe my favorite thing about Jo is her half-hearted attempt to convey an "aw, shucks, I'm just a Southern Missouri gal" schtick, but as we've seen, she got hooked on the urge to rich things up a little too much. Observe her on the occasion of the opening of her dead hubby's bridge:

See what I mean? I wonder if all the people in Southern Missouri are Burberry-clad "blondes" who are chaufferred around in vintage limosines?

Wow, I guess they all are! I stand corrected!

So long, Jo, it's been kinda gross getting to know you.

Jo Ann Emerson Week! Day Four!

And an exciting week it's been, right? Yay! OK, so today's theme is: what the hell happened to Jo Ann? That's her from 2000 above*, and here's a profile shot from the same year:

So how did that in 2000 turn into what we see below in 2005?

Look, I'm no expert, but that just ain't natural. There's more going on here than just a new hairdresser friend who said, "Honey, lose the glasses, dye the hair and wear pink!" Please feel free to irresponsibly speculate.

While you contemplate Representative Emerson's possible enthusiasm for cosmetic surgery, take a moment to enjoy some greatest hits from her voting stats:

• Rated 0% by NARAL, indicating a pro-life voting record. (Dec 2003)
• Rated 92% by the US COC, indicating a pro-business voting record. (Dec 2003)
• Voted YES on prohibiting needle exchange & medical marijuana in DC. (Oct 1999)
• Voted YES on allowing school prayer during the War on Terror. (Nov 2001)
• Rated 27% by the NEA, indicating anti-public education votes. (Dec 2003)
• Supports a Constitutional Amendment for school prayer. (May 1997)
• Rated 0% by the LCV, indicating anti-environment votes. (Dec 2003)
• Rated 90% by the Christian Coalition: a pro-family voting record. (Dec 2003)
• Voted NO on campaign finance reform banning soft-money contributions. (Feb 2002)
• Voted YES on banning gay adoptions in DC. (Jul 1999)
• Supports anti-flag desecration amendment. (Mar 2001)
• Voted YES on Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage. (Sep 2004)
• Rated 21% by the ACLU, indicating an anti-civil rights voting record. (Dec 2002)

Wow! Neato, Jo Ann! Truly, you are making the world a better place.

*Special thanks to a secret, probably-shouldn't-be-named Pony Pal™ for the picture research!

And Now... A Few Words About Jo Ann Emerson

An office corral mate of mine rode the Pink Pony today and said, "Wow, you're really tearing into that lady!" And that made me get all reflective. Am I being too mean to the distinguished Representative from the great state of Missouri (as re-imagined above (click for bigger!) by Pony Pal™ Senior Fellow Uncle Splatty)? Am I a bad pony? Gosh, what did Jo Ann Emerson ever do to me? Is it going too far to publish such obviously churlish pictures like this one, sent in by Krimpet:

Be sure to click to see the larger version!

And then I snapped out of it, because Jo Ann Emerson epitomizes the absolute worst of the Republican Party. She was a lobbyist, and then married a Congressman, and then became a Congressman when he died, and then remarried... a lobbyist! She's an anti-hairdresser bigot, she's against a woman's right to choose how to handle certain medical decisions (kids, ask your parents), she hypocritically embraces the Christian fundamentalists even as she attends ridiculous new-agey "love seminars" in Santa Barbara... do I really have to go on? She's a Bush-toadyin', phony-baloney glad-handler with a devil-may-care conservative agenda who only once --once!-- bucked the Republican machine by timidly mumbling her support for stem cell research. This blatantly awful woman is riding high on a wave of misery, idiocy and madness. Fuck her. Oops! I mean LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER!!

OMG, if you want to see the scariest thing you've ever seen in your whole entire life, courtesy Pony Pal™ z7q2, click the picture below:

Representative Jo Ann Emerson: Reptile or Mammal?

Click for bigger, tons scarier! Not Photoshopped! And for comparative purposes:

Reach Out and Touch Someone

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (R) gestures to Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov during a joint news conference at the State Department in Washington, March 7, 2006. REUTERS/Yuri Gripas

Ooooooh, wouldn't it have been great if Condi had made a "ssssss" sound effect? It was a conservative, superserious day for her highness:

Shut up! Being Secretary of State is totally hard! Kinda ho-hum stuff for Condiwatchers. We'll be getting back to SUPERSTAR Jo Ann Emerson shortly.

Jo Ann Emerson: Nascar Mom and Proud!

More! I must have more Jo Ann Emerson! Have you all read between the lines of yesterday's story? Did Jo Ann go to the luv seminar place (at lobbyist/"thinkthank" expense, natch) because she caught her husband fooling around? Just speculating.

Speaking of the sanctity of marriage, well, don't get Jo Ann started:

As a wife, mother, and grandmother, the values our nation holds dear are important to Jo Ann. She understands that the morals we teach and uphold in Southern Missouri are the backbone of our way of life. That's why she has worked to defend the sacred institution of marriage and to protect the rights of the unborn. She believes those rights ought to be reflected in the highest laws of our land, the U.S. Constitution, along with the protection of prayer and our American flag. Jo Ann Emerson champions the Southern Missouri family at every opportunity.

Oh, she's like a Sparkle Pony dream come true. More to come!

Introducing a Shiny New Star!

OMG, forget Condi for a minute, OK? Because Representative Jo Ann Emerson (R-MO) has wandered into my field of vision, and she's lookin' good!

OMG! LOVE. HER.

And love is what Jo Ann is all about, as Roll Call reveals (via Raw Story) in their totally thrilling report about the spunky Republican:

Rep. Jo Ann Emerson (R-Mo.) and her husband took an all-expenses paid trip to Santa Barbara, Calif., in January for the official business purpose of "spiritual self-reflection."

The Michigan-based Fetzer Institute, the stated mission of which is to "foster awareness of the power of love and forgiveness through research and education programs," paid $1,108.70 to send Emerson and her husband, Ronald Gladney, on the two-night excursion the weekend of Jan. 20.

Emerson wrote in a recently filed travel disclosure form that the official purpose of the trip was: "A time for spiritual self-reflection and an open and honest dialogue."

So, I know that like me, you were just thinking, "Yes, OK, but does she hand out oversized novelty checks?"

Yes! Love her, love her, love her! Clearly this fabulous new Sparklefave warrents further investigation.