Friday, February 03, 2012

Callista Roundup! Too Much Callista? SHUT UP. You Did NOT Say That

OMG, all this Callista! How long can it last? We wanted more Callista and we got it, but now nobody knows quite what to do with it. It's like you're having a dream where you're walking down the aisle of a grocery store, and all the products are labeled "Callista," but none of them list ingredients, so you can't tell what anything contains. Yes, it's exactly like that.

So what are people saying about Queen Hair Sculpture™ these days? Buzzfeed has a hilarious piece about how Gingrich Production's communications directer massaged Callista's Wikipedia page over and over, repeatedly, and then got caught lying about it, and then "made peace" with the Wikipedia editors. I wonder if he's the one who deleted the funny gag about Callie-Lou's "superb skills at oral sex"? This is a fairy tale for the 21st Century. Disney will make this story into an animated feature in 2035.

Turning to a tale quite a bit less suitable for a children's movie is Media Snack's story about reporters from Vice asking the Gingriches if they had an "open marriage," to which Newt said no but Callista, thrillingly, did not.

Speaking of which, sorry, I haven't bought the National Enquirer with the Callista lesbo fantasy yet. That's because I'm scared. Scared that such a great thing couldn't possibly be true. Have you braced yourself for the letdown? Stay tuned!

 Next, the Financial Times cruelly uses Callista as an exception to the rule that politicians' wives "humanize" their husbands, stating that her "stand-by-your-man role seems like a throwback." Bitches. They're just jealous.

And finally for today, Callista's charity of the month is the Mount Vernon Ladies' Association, an association of ladies who are rich and attend cocktail parties at George Washington's house. One day, Callista, you will rule them ALL.

16 comments:

Lulu Maude said...

She's just not that into Newt. Just Newt-por-tunities.

samael7 said...

One 'do to rule them all...

Desertwind said...

Princess, if one were to believe Dana Milbank (yeah..
..I know...) Calista (or one of her minions) religiously follows you.

http://live.washingtonpost.com/dana-milbank-live-120203.html#Calista

Matty Boy said...

I clicked on the Mount Vernon Ladies' Association link and it had a pre-helmet picture of Callista. It completely destroys the fantasy, like seeing George Clooney when he had a mullet.

The Cat's Meow said...

There is no such thing as too much Callista. I am not concerned about Callista. She's doing just fine.

Karen Zipdrive said...

I saw that National Enquirer issue on the stands today. I didn't bother to thumb through the Callista lesbian story though.
See, the way I figure it is she'd almost have to had turned lesbian after getting that first gander at Newt's ghostly white, quivering gut overshadowing Little pink Newt.
I'll bet she likes stone butches, too. She strikes me as the ultimate Do-Me girl.

Comrade PhysioProf said...

Spinning Calista is freaking me the fucke oute!!!

Anonymous said...

Maureen Dowd is now beating up the Callista piƱata..

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/05/opinion/sunday/dowd-the-great-mans-wife.html?hp

"One indignant woman I interviewed at a church in Columbia, S.C., where Newt was speaking, hurrumphed that Callista was “his Barbie.”

ouch.

Lulu Maude said...

Dowd:

Callista has created an entirely new model for a spouse, standing mute in her primary color suits and triple-strand pearls looking at the 68-year-old Newt for the whole event, her platinum carapace inclined deferentially toward his shaggy gray mane..

Flying Spaghetti Monster said...

Please tell me you saw the opening sketch on SNL this weekend: "Newt Gingrich: Moon President!" The awesome Kristin Wiig was a hair-helmeted Callie Lou. Open marriage was discussed.

Peteykins said...

I did. Why can't any Callista impersonators get the hair right?

Peteykins said...

Oh, right, yeah, and Maureen Dowd wrote about Callista. I just can't stand Dowd, so I don't really have much to say about it.

MrsTarquinBiscuitbarrel said...

A college pal and I infuriated a Mount Vernon docent by asking why there were plastic bananas on the Totally Original and Authentic butcher-block counter that was used to mince food for George Washington himself.

"Our first trade agreements with Central America--" was all my pal could say before the docent turned burgundy and hustled us out.

Aunt Snow said...

Dowd is a hack. But even so, it's fun to see the scrutiny focused on Callie Lou.

sleepy in saudi said...

Ditto Aunt Snow.

Fran said...

Ohhh all the spinning is making me woozy!

Well, since they are both cheaters, it's just a matter of time before one or the other jumps ship. It would be refreshing for Newt to be "the dumped" for a change. Maybe she's waiting for him to get sick first?

Meanwhile in their Citizens United Muslim hate film, anti Jihad hype Callista actually speaks!!!!

Rates very high on the disgusting-o-meter.
It's not safe for work, or the sane, really.....

but if you want to her helmet hair speak- here it is- but don't say I didn't warn ya.

CALLISTA AT 1:20 IN THE CLIP!!!


http://youtu.be/KNyWI87fxEA