Friday, March 07, 2008

More Pictures of the Wonderful New My Little Slutty Pony Toys

Ooh, I am so pleased that Toys R Us has added to their inventory the exciting new STRUTS (sorry, not STRUTZ, no "Z") RUNWAY MAGIC ponies, the wonderful new toys for girls which delightfully combine bestiality with high fashion. Meet Sierra:



She's the hot-to-trot daughter of a rich Daddy Pony™ who owns a chain of hotels. She enjoys shopping, car crashes, accidental vag-flashes and shopping!

Here's Rio:



Rio wishes she could shop all the time, and gets feisty if you interrupt her shopping and try to make her eat. She enjoys shopping, dieting and accessories.

Next is mysterious, smoky Milan:




Sexy Milan once experienced total enlightenment in the shoe department of Neiman Marcus. She enjoys shopping and bombing abortion clinics.

And, finally, Sydney, the I-kid-you-not Australian equine hooker:



Most people dislike Sydney for her horrible, loud, phony Australian accent (I'm assuming). She enjoys shopping and turning tricks at the Convention Center.

What fantastic, hyper-sexualized fun! Yay! OMG, you all have to run out and buy these for your daughters (recommended for ages 4-8!) right away!

My initial reaction to these enchanting whorses is here.

UPDATE, 07-09: People! I'm glad you're all appalled at the shocking whorses, but please note how old this post is. These toys are no longer available. They failed. The sexy horse crisis has passed.

32 comments:

usablogger said...

Anthropomorphism!

jxdnxs said...

Hmmm:
Sierra = Caucasion Blonde
Rio = Caucasion Burnette
Milan = Asian
Sydny = Hispanic
...Where is the African American one?!

I wonder what would happen if we all filed complaints to toys'r'us suggesting they pull the product line for this blatant affront to ethnic diversity...

karenzipdrive said...

The African American whorse is off caucusing for Obama.
(ducking)

samael7 said...

I start to question the actual humanity of the mind(s) that developed this product.

On deeper reflection, what seems an unholy alliance of pandering to the worst excesses of "what girls like" (note: may not be what girls actually like) really comes across as almost a randomized grab-bag of quirks. It's as if some alien or artificial intelligence was fed in a long list of surveys from young girls and randomly popped out: dress-up dolls, horses, cheap-looking purses. Voila! Struts*!

We may easily also have seen: cupcakes, bedazzlers, stuffed animals. In which case, we'd have gotten Tartz© -- the loveable plushie dessert toys that you can put earings and bracelets on. With comable icing!

(* Someone had to know that sounded like "sluts" when they named this product. I mean, c'mon, really? Really "Struts??")

Ms. A said...

Why do such rather slight examples of ultra-tacky sensibility lead me to conclude that the barbarians are at the gate, tossing their comb-able hair?

Princess Sparkle Pony said...

To me, the "teach the girls to be power-shoppers" aspect is almost --but not quite-- as scary as the inappropriate sexualization.

Distributorcap said...

where is the Condi pony?

Anonymous said...

@distributorcap: the Condi pony was at the GW vs Louisville basketball game...while the Middle East achieves peace and harmony.

Anonymous said...

Truly, truly appalling. So wrong.

dguzman said...

Note the ridiculous number of tiny choking hazards for said 4-yr-olds:
--anklets on each pony's leg (also: wouldn't the wearing of such bangles by these equine harlots just be begging for leg-breakage and thus the shooting of the pony?)
--little strappy shoes
--earrings?
--tiny Payless handbags
--necklaces (mane-laces?)

How long before we get the first series of recalls?

Anonymous said...

Anthropomoronism

Lulu Maude said...

Elliott just called and asked me to patch him through.

He wants to rent one.

Anonymous said...

I wonder what the stallions / geldings look like, to go along with these ponies..

Pimps with big purple 70's style velvet wide brimmed hats?

Anonymous said...

are they atomically correct just like the barbie's are now days?

nonnihil said...

What's particularly apalling is that they are hyper-sexualized in such a weirdly asexual way -- the shirt (such as it is) is covering the horse's collarbone. The frilly skirt is half way up the abdomen.

It's like someone made a gesture toward sexualizing a horse without having ever previously encountered either sex or a horse.

Anonymous said...

Are these horse toys for real? If so, OMG. Here's something equally appalling which is actually real...a British video game that encourages girls as young as 7 to get breast implants for their avatars....http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/03/25/miss.bimbo/index.html

Shini said...

I'm actually terrified. BUT I CAN'T LOOK AWAY. It's like some tragic skinny train wreck.

What kind of drugs are the creators of these things on, and can I have some?

Anonymous said...

I... uh... what? I mean, seriously, what?

Platform lace-ups on horses? And jewelry? And handbags? And... and... WTF!?

'Cuase, y'know, little girls are just so over horses. You gotta pimp those ponies!

Anonymous said...

WTF????
This toy developer goes on the list of F***Tards that should be shot. This damn thing does not even resemble any sort of an Equine species! What a horrid display of un-creativity...I would never, and I mean never buy this for my daughter....I think I would smack her if she even thought about looking at it. This is a total disgrace to the toy horse world...I mean...even those little China/Japan cheapies resemble a horse at least! Go back to art class...research equine anatomy...actually...research everything all over again.

firstRainbowRose said...

This reminds me of the series of "Barbies" that went around in an e-mail at one point. (There was devorce Barbie, and a whole bunch others. I don't remember them all.), except with modernized my little ponies. Please someone tell me that's what's going on here. Because if not... I think I'm going to die.

Anonymous said...

"It's the end of the world as we know it, oh, it's the end of the world as we know it..."

H V Geobbels said...

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang, but a whinny

(with apologies to T. S. Eliot)

Anonymous said...

This is what you get when you crossbreed My Little Pony with Bratz.

And "Whorses" was the title of a one-off underground strip by Vaughn Bode back in the Seventies. Those original "Whorses" were giant Bode Broads in harness, ridden by wisecracking Bode Lizards. (And if you don't understand the references, you're deprived.)

How much do you think Cheech Wizard would charge to GOOMPH! whoever came up with these New "Whorses"?

Anonymous said...

It's like someone made a gesture toward sexualizing a horse without having ever previously encountered either sex or a horse. -- NonHill

You've obviously never seen some of the WEIRDER stuff that pops up in Furry Fandom...

Anonymous said...

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY LOOK AT A TOY AND CAN MAKE SOMETHING DIRTY FROM IT. THESE TOYS ARE VERY CUTE AND FUN TO PLAY WITH FOR KIDS. THEY ARE JUST A TOY!!!! YOU ARE PROBABLY THE SAME PEOPLE WHO THINK LITTLE BOYS WILL BECOME GAY IF THEY PLAY WITH DOLLS. I AM GLAD MY DAUGHTER IS STILL PLAYING WITH TOYS AND NOT SPENDING ALL HER TIME ON THE INTERNET. I THINK THAT THE PEOPLE WHO CAN TURN A HORSE TOY INTO A WHORE DON'T UNDERSTAND CHILDREN AT ALL.

Anonymous said...

You've obviously never seen some of the WEIRDER stuff that pops up in Furry Fandom.

Having been involved, as an artist and writer, in that community since its early days, I’ve watched its evolution and seen a wealth of material ranging from entirely wholesome and inoffensive to stuff that makes my skin crawl. (If you’re a sports fan: how many other sports fans have you met that make you embarrassed to be a sports fan?)

Yes, I’ve an interest in some of the adult material, but there’s a difference between works created by adults for an adult audience and . . . this. This is just wrong. Not to mention utterly tasteless. Way to send the wrong message to an already vulnerable age group!

Lemon said...

4 horses of the apocalypse

marauder said...

Hey, this page is No. 2 on a Google search for "Strutz horse toy." It comes before their own page.

James said...

Wow!!! these are the wonderful toys.
I like these toys.

Anonymous said...

Oh silly jxdnxs... obviously
Sierra: Caucasian
Rio: Hispanic (its in the name of course!)
Milan: Asian
Sydney: African American

They're still diverse, they're just RACIST!

YAY!

12 hour pills said...

They're ponies. Since when do god damned ponies where heels?

Trish said...

Oh wow... WOW...

I really really hope that these turn out to have been an elaborate satire for the same reasons Samael7 mentions: the Struts look like what you'd get if you combined *everything* girls are *supposed* to like. (I can assure you, and yes I may be speaking strictly for myself, not all girls like these things.) It doesn't help that I'm learning about these things right after seeing what can only be described as a "Slutty Big Bird" costume at iParty the other day.

More succinctly, "You got your Bratz cash-in all over my My Little Pony knock-off!"