Stalking Condi

Wow, how did I ever miss this? Here's a must-read from The Telegraph, UK, by documentary filmmaker Sebastian Doggart about literally stalking our Condi! His resulting film, Courting Condi, is billed as "the first musical-docu-tragi-comedy in the history of cinema," and it seems to be hilarious, a bizarre and ridiculous mixture of "reality" and fiction and an obsessiveness with Condi which rivals this site's. Best line in the trailer: "It's Condoleezza Rice! Are you fucking nuts?" It's available for download or rental from Amazon.

I am baffled and embarrassed by my lack of familiarity with Mr. Doggart's work, but better late than never!

Idiot Discovers Expensive Things For Rich People

Screenshot from eBay.

I had to roll my eyes at dependably dumb Bob Greene's latest column at CNN.com. This is one of the hackiest old warhorses of a theme in the hack columnist's cheaters' guide: OMG, look! I found this outrageously expensive boutique item! And we are supposed to share in his shock and outrage over, in this case, a really really costly Hermès bag.

Well, yes, I've heard Hermès makes expensive things! You could even say their reputation impels them to make expensive things.

Really, you have to read this stupid column, because Greene is playing dumb and acting like he's completely unaware of the existence of ludicrously pricey consumer goods, and I'm just not buying it, because he's flying back and forth between New York City and swanky Naples, Florida to do so. The faux-outrage and faux-out-of-itness is just the thing you'd expect from a faux-common man like Bob Greene.

But still, just wait until he finds out about Rolex watches.

Junk Drawer: 3D Postcards

All of these can be clicked for lots bigger!

In the mid-1980s in San Diego, Pony Pal™ Mr. Bad Trash and I got really into collecting lenticular 3D postcards. We found major stashes in some Tijuana gift shops, strange repositories of images which appeared to date to the 1960s. Others could be found at random at tackier stops across the country. And once our friends caught on, they sent what they found, thrillingly, though the mail.

The one shown up top was sent to me from Yugoslavia by my friend Sean. It's a Japanese card, though, as is this one, one of the examples we scored in Tijuana:

That's a strange postcard to end up in a Mexican convenience store, isn't it? So is this one:

This next one, despite its obvious origins in the late-1960s, was actually purchased at the Petrified Forest in 1986:

Even if you can't see the 3D-ness of these, I still love the way these scans look. I also appreciate that lenticular 3D will never die. More to come!

Photoblogging: A Poignant Moment

Click for bigger!

OMG

Book Shelf: Dukes Of Hazzard Coloring & Activity Book, Part 2 Of 2

Let's continue with our badly drawn, incoherently plotted Dukes of Hazzard coloring book! Yay! I like this spread because it looks like Daisy Duke is looking in horror at the word scramble she's incapable of solving:

Remember how I said that this coloring book was a reminder of a time before computers gave hacks the ability to make something look halfway decent? That lettering above is a great example of that. Now the story lurches forward towards the denouement:

It turns out the oil found right next to the crashed car came FROM the crashed car! Who could have guessed?

Daddy Bear Duke is relieved while the deputy's extra chromosome causes him to contort with rage:

Meanwhile, always the types to gloat, the kids plan a party:

Draw Daddy Bear Duke! This is kinda funny, because the "squared for transfer" method is an old one, used by good artists as well as coloring book hack illustrators. Here's Arshile Gorky making use of the technique, and John Singleton Copley doing the same thing.

Square dancin':

And the lonely last page (the inside front and back covers are blank), that whorish old standby, the search-a-word :

The back cover is simply a labor-saving repeat of the front. Below, since Pony Pal™ Karen chastised me in the comments earlier for not coloring in any of the pages myself, my take on the lovely Daisy:

That was fun and wholesome! What will fall out of the book shelf next?

Michele Bachmann Suddenly Has "Principles"

Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., signs the Declaration of Health Care Independence the Republicans unveiled ahead of the State of the Union on Capitol Hill in Washington, Wednesday, Jan. 27, 2010. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

It is to laugh: Michele Bachmann has pulled out of the upcoming Incredible Imploding Teabagger Convention™ because, like, she totally feels she must "err on the side of caution."

From her, this is a hilarious statement.

The only question now is whether Michele's new BFF Sarah Palin will hang in there and speak at the confab. My guess is that if she really is donating her $100,000 fee to charity, she won't.

But I'm still looking forward to this event because it's going to be a magical wonderland of crazy. Yay!

Sketchbook: Advocacy Of The Obvious

The drawing above is from the late 80s. I can't remember why I drew it, but there's a cleaned-up, more symmetrical version in the same folder which, of course, isn't as good. Cute!

Book Shelf: Dukes Of Hazzard Coloring & Activity Book

This clumsily illustrated and cheaply produced Dukes of Hazzard tie-in was published in 1981 by the unlikely sounding "Modern Promotions, a division of Unisystems, Inc.," in fact a prolific producer of this kind of thing. This stuff is a poignant reminder of pre-Photoshop days, before untalented hacks gained the means to produce slick-looking pages. Here's the front cover and title page:

Click any for bigger and play along at home!

We're dropped in medias res as a retarded deputy discovers oil on the ground shortly after driving his car into a tree:

Connect the dots, la la la la! The plot thickens as the imbecilic law enforcers plot to steal the oil:

Play where's the oil in this challenging maze. Next, the young studs and their daddy bear discover the sheriff's none-too subtle plan:

The lithe boys jump into their horrible car to investigate:

The chase is on:

I had to look up Dukes of Hazzard to get the answer to four across because how the hell would I know who the brother of Luke Duke is:

The mad dash to the surveyor's office continues. Note, too an amusing misspelling:

At this point it becomes clear that the story makes no sense at all:

The tale concludes (?) in part two, tomorrowSaturday.

Random Nancy Panel

Coming tonight: Dukes of Hazzard coloring book!

Fashion Victim: Vice's Arousing Menswear Feature

This is hilarious: Vice magazine's new slide-show of hot menswear features absolutely great clothes, wonderfully corny art direction, superb photography, and something... extra. So funny. Maybe not-safe-for-work?

"Condoleezza Rice's First Book Will Not Tell You What You Are Curious To Know"

Isn't that the greatest headline? It's from New York magazine's Daily Intel, linking to the more staid NY Times, and I can hardly improve upon it.

So, yeah, Condi's first book:

Condoleezza Rice's first book from her two-tome deal with Crown will focus not on her years at the Bush White House, but rather on her "childhood in Birmingham, Ala., in the 1950s and ’60s against the backdrop of the civil rights movement," the Times reports. It will focus on her role models, including her family. "

Great, because goodness knows she hasn't told those stories a million times already.

Fashion Victim: Vintage Dior Men's Shirt

Click both for bigger!

I found this absolutely insane Christian Dior shirt in perfect, perfect condition about 15 years ago in a San Diego thrift store. It's so special I only wear it once every three years or so.

When was this expensive polyester shirt made? I have no clue. I think I can only narrow it down to 1968-1975, maybe even later. Who knows?

The most striking feature of the shirt, obviously, is its crazy fabric. Here's a shot of the back which shows its bogglingly complex pattern:

And, in fact, it isn't a pattern at all, because it doesn't repeat; it's a big piece of artwork. A lot of work went into this print! I wish I knew more about the artist behind this fabric. It reminds me a little of some of the designs Verner Panton used to make, but I don't know anything about these things.

Hot stuff!

Weak Tea

Whuh-oh, Richard Cohen is trying to be funny again. This time he's hilariously elected himself the official columnist of the teabaggers because, ha ha, whatever. And this goes on for several painful paragraphs like this one:

I can tell you the Tea Party official positions, although the Tea Party has no official positions. In fact, we are sworn opponents of official positions, although we do have them in an unofficial sort of way. We are opposed to big government, large government, huge government and government bigger than a bread box. We are also opposed to bread boxes, although I don’t know why.

Richard Cohen: not smart and also not hilarious.