Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Christians Shocked --Shocked!-- to Discover that Spencer's Gifts Sells Smutty Xmas Ornaments



The no-fun-nuh-uh prudes at Agape Press are totally upset (fifth item)that Spencer Gifts, purveyors of soft-core porno novelty items to mall walkers for, what, forty years by now, are defiling the sacred traditions of Christmas by selling naughty ornaments. I'm... uh... totally shocked:
Families frequenting the local mall during the Christmas shopping season may want to hang on a little tighter to little ones' hands as they walk past the Spencer's Gifts store, which is offering what it calls "pornaments" for anyone to purchase. That name attached to the products should be description enough for the "decorations" that depict human nudity and sexual arousal, as well as sexual intercourse between reindeer and "snow people." A Jacksonville, Florida, television station reports that the ornaments, which are available online, were also found on the shelves of a local Spencer's outlet "in plain view of children." Employees at that particular store also told the TV station there were no restrictions on who could purchase the items. A Baptist pastor in Jacksonville says the X-rated ornaments "defame" Christmas. "It says we are nothing more than sexual acts or physical beings -- and we are much more than that," says Rev. Jim Patterson. "We are spiritual beings and this is a spiritual holiday. Why bring it to this level?" he asks. "It makes no sense to me." Spencer's operates more than 500 stores nationwide. [Jody Brown]
Spiritual holiday? Since when? OMG, why doesn't anybody tell me these things? Gosh, I hope none of the Agape kids go to Spencer's web site, because they're also selling Led Zeppelin ornaments, surely a sign of the imminent apocalypse.

Also humorous is that, well, you know network TV news simply can't resist the allure of slightly smutty stories located in shopping malls (see the Google News Search for "pornaments" here and a previous example on this blog here), so Spencer's is going to do a roaring business this weekend thanks to all the free publicity. Note to Spencer's buyers: place your re-orders now!

10 comments:

HRH King Friday XIII said...

You know it's funny what conservative choose to be and not to be uppity about. they didn't seem to find this offensive:

http://www.newshounds.us/2006/12/06/parody_of_aclu_falls_flat.php

Anonymous said...

but they're calling it CHRISTmas...doesn't that make it okay?

Miss Kitten said...

But didn't Jesus's Mommy do it with some sort of bird?

Just asking.

puritani said...

PSP - Please order two of the boy gingerbread ornaments and send them to Senator Craig with your compliments.

Carmen Sutra said...

I don't get it. Do the pornaments say "Happy Holidays" or "Season's Greetings" or something offensive like that?

Anonymous said...

I consider this pornographic!

http://muskrathunt.blogspot.com/2006/12/safe-to-come-out-now.html

Anonymous said...

I looked-up hypocrite in the dictionary and there was a picture of Jesus.

samael7 said...

*sob* Why does Spencer Gifts hate the baby Jesus? It's just another salvo on the War Against Christmas! I mean, so WHAT if the christmas tree was co-opted from a previously-unrelated pagan winter festival! This is still a slap in His face to show an icing replica of the mommy-hole He came out of! And to celebrate His birth! *sob*

Anonymous said...

maybe they'll like this site better...

http://www.porn-bread.com/gingerbread.htm

Kiki, aka Esri said...

"Sexual arousal"? Didn't reporter Jody Brown notice that the little icing dingus is pointing down? Or is that what they're calling "aroused" at Agape Press these days?