Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Doughy Meatbag Loses, But Callista Gets Hairdo Tune-Up!

Republican presidential candidate, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, right, is embraced by his wife Callista, left, before speaking to supporters at an election rally in Concord, N.C., Tuesday, April 24, 2012. (AP Photo/Chuck Burton)
Oh, Callie, your hairdo looks so much better now! It's freshly spherical again after looking all droopy lately, and dyed back to the stunningly naturalistic blonde we've come to expect from such a goddess. Yay!

Too little, too late, however, because Newt –surprise!– lost, like, twenty primaries yesterday to... a Mormon! LOL.

And it really has been the most puzzling campaign ever. I guess I can understand why Newt hung in there, because the whole point of his run has been to publicize himself. Now, when Mitt Romney loses, he'll be able to say, "I tried, I tried," and dummies will say, "If only we had nominated the REAL conservative, Newt!" And thus the right wing cycle of delusion will continue, and so will Newt 'n' Callista's lucrative speaking engagements and book deals and weird Papal videos and audiobooks about American Exceptionalism™. So they might seem like losers today, but all this should keep our beloved Space Goddess in Tiffany for quite some time.

What I can't figure out, though, is what Sheldon Adelson and his wife get out of all this. Mrs. Adelson gave, like, five more millions dollars to Team Newt just last month, when it was already obvious to everyone that Gingrich 2012 just wasn't going to happen. Why did she do it? Did she find five million dollars in the couch, shrug, and hand it over? What, exactly, did she purchase? I'm bewildered.

But anyway, eventually Newt will die first, and then the Goddess Callista will be up for grabs! And then she and Ellis the bulgy-crotched elephant will ride off together into the sunset with enough diamonds and pearls to keep them living luxuriously until Jesus returns. It's like a fairy tale!

Until then, thanks for the beautiful memories:


The tenderness!

13 comments:

Lulu Maude said...

Sigh...

Matty Boy said...

An excellent question about the Super PAC sugar daddy. It's also a mystery why Foster Friess gave all that money to Rick Santorum. These guys are successful businessmen. Why throw massive amounts of money away with no chance for a pay-off?

As for a "real conservative", even the conservatives don't buy that line about Newt. His moon colony idea is definitely big government spending.

HRH King Friday XIII, Ret. said...

"Don't cry for me GOP Primary.... the truth is I never left you..."

Muscato said...

Are we really sure that's actually Callie Lou? The paint's way heavier even than usual, and from that angle, at least, it looks suspiciously like an angular, Ray Bolger-ish sort of man dressed as the divine Mrs. G.

I sense a conspiracy!

Peteykins said...

Maybe it's "Sharon Needles" from Rupaul's Drag Race?

Anonymous said...

Peteykins, how could you say such a thing about dear Sharon? As for Callie, she most definitely needs to sashay the f away!

Anonymous said...

Mmmm, doughy meatbag... great with a little hoisin on a bed of brown rice.

Anonymous said...

That is a big nose, and Newt is block a bit of it..

The Cat's Meow said...

We're seeing headlines that Newtie Meatbag is indeed dropping out, but not till.... next week. Why? Is he hoping that hordes of Republicans will rise up over the next five days, screaming, "Noooo, Newt, don't do it! We love you!"? Does he have some book signings to attend to first? Does Callista need more highlights? We don't see how she could get any blonder.

samael7 said...

Sharon Needles! Hee hee! You've referenced my favorite current TV show.

I'd pay good money to see Callista and Chad Michaels onstage together -- she in her usual perfection and he in his "Mamie Eisenhower realness" inaugural gown.

Peteykins said...

Oh, I'm not making fun of Sharon Needles! I LOVE HER and want her to win!

Do you doubt at all that she could do a killer Callista?

dguzman said...

God, her nostril is just SO BIG.

samael7 said...

Michelle Visage and Callista Gingrich are already fabulous drag queens in their own right. We've already seen Sharon do one, I've no doubt he could easily do the other.

Someone get Dan Savage to show Sharon some pictures and fill her in.