Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Book Shelf: 16 Magazine Vol. 13 #11, April 1972, Part Three

Click any page for bigger.

OK, whoops, sorry that took so long, but I had internet issues, so no go. But let's continue with our superfab exploration of the 1972 teen-scream 16 scene! Once again, we've got some real obscurities on the page above, left. Lawrence Douglas starred in my favorite version of Kidnapped, had a busy career for a while, and then, in the 80s... what happened? I have no idea. As for Scott Jacoby, there are a few on IMDB, but I can't figure out which one is shown here, and there's no entry for the named series. So much for him. Michael McGreevey, on the other hand, never stopped working. He started as a tiny tot actor, was employed steadily throughout the 70s, and then successfully made the transition to behind the camera as a prolific writer, director and producer, so well done, Michael, because you did what all these other teen sensations weren't able to do.

Below, must we sing along with the Osmonds? Really, must we? Let's not and not say we did, either. God, but I hated the Osmonds when I was young (if you haven't figured that out already). They oozed wholesomeness, which I learned to dislike early on, and their style always seemed so variety show (duh) and, I don't know, like a holdover from Vaudeville or something. Gross:

Below, can you guess the teen idol by their legs? Hint: they're all actually male. OK, another hint: one of them is an Osmond, and one of them is a David Cassidy.

Below, oh jeez, an interview with David Cassidy. And once again he's talking about how great he is, unlike other teen idols, who he delights in cutting down. He must have been really hated by all his peers. And honestly, he deserved it, and continues to deserve it to this day. David, David, David, always talking about how much better than the Partridge Family you are, and then titling you biography C'mon Get Happy (I recommend the book, but you will despise him by the end) and singing "I Think I Love You" every chance you get. You can't have it both ways, Cassidy.

OK, another Osmond. I'm sorry, this is kind of a sucky issue, isn't it? Oops. Anyway, Merrill sticks so closely to the 16 script ("Selfish and unkind people turn me off"), and the handwriting is so suspiciously girly, I have a hard time believing this isn't totally faked:

Below, this is actually hilarious, the token Bobby Sherman article. "Of course, Bobby has had many serious romances over the years, but he's never hidden anything from you. Whenever Bobby had something to say to you, he says it. And you've had no reason to doubt him. Although there are many rumors in circulation right now about a possible Bobby Sherman/Patti Carnel secret marriage, you know –from reading 16 and SPEC– that if it were true, Bobby would have told you." Naturally, this is unmitigated bullshit, because Bobby 'n' Patti had been married for over a year by this time. Haw:

More of Merrill's fake answers to dumb questions:

Below, the magazine actually encourages its impressionable readers to send birthday gifts to their fave stars c/o their studios. I wonder what they did with all the crap they got? And on the right, a hard-hitting astrological analysis of an Osmond and a Jackson:

Next up, tiny (yet perfectly formed) Mitch Vogel, the "Cousin Oliver" from Bonanza, goes on the Dating Game. Mitch worked a TON in the 70s (he was in the fantastic Born Innocent with Linda Blair!), and then *poof* his career vanished just like that. I hope he invested his money wisely. On the right, an ad for 16's Loving Fashions magazine. I'm kind of tempted to pick up a copy to post here:

The "next issue" page, including a surprising typo (I'll credit 16 for almost never having grammatical errors; Gloria Stavers was reportedly fanatical about them), and a particularly toothy pic of dreamy Donny:

You shouldn't be at all surprised that David is on the inside back cover. He really has that pout down, doesn't he? Eat you heart out Victoria Beckham:

And that's that! I do have one more copy of 16, from 1974, and it's a pretty good issue (Linda Blair! Tony Orlando!), but I'm going to give it a rest for a while, because for one thing, I've already made too many trips to the well, and also because scanning a 60-page magazine is so time consuming that it prevents me from blogging about anything else. Plus, if I see another Osmond I'll totally barf. So maybe later this year?

Here's part one and part two. Here is the 1977 issue of Tiger Beat, and here is the 1970 issue of 16.


Matty Boy said...

Michael McGreevey's career arc is interesting. Actor to writer/director, now back to acting.

Peteykins, it's your blog and I understand the time constraints. Still, these mags are fabulous!

There are times I wish I could hire a valet to do the time consuming part of blogging, but I still enjoy it as a hobby.

missannethrope said...

OMG, totally agree about the Osmonds and their lameness. As young teens in the early 70s my brother and I made constant fun of them. And there was this one nerdy girl at sleepaway camp who was obsessed with Donny. Everyone else thought she was all wet. The mean girls used to hide her fanmags from her and make her cry.

Matty Boy said...

From now on, if I need to mention David Cassidy for any reason, as unlikely as that circumstance is, he is officially "super puppy David Cassidy", just because it used to annoy him so.

Peteykins said...

Matty, really glad you enjoy these, because I love them, too. I'll post more for sure; I just need a break. It's just sooooo much tedious work, my god.

samael7 said...

Wow, so Donny O and Michael J are both born under the sign of the Brillo Pad (or is it plural, Pads?). Funny. They could both be abrasive in their own way . . .

And given that he was married for over a year at the time that issue published, I don't think it's at all appropriate for me to bang Bobby's gong.

Peteykins said...

Haw, that's from the Osmonds' attempt to be "heavier." I love this comment on YouTube: "Some rockers experimented with heroin, LSD, etc. This is a pure indication of the Osmonds' venture into caffeinated beverages."

MrsTarquinBiscuitbarrel said...

Super series, Peteykins!

David Cassidy has written a SEQUEL to C'mon Get Happy. In both books, he says that since he didn't drink or smoke, he lived on "brown rice, tetracycline" [for his skin] and sex. A great deal of sex, although David pats himself on the back for turning down a stunning fourteen-year-old jailbait who wanted to give David her virginity.

Gloria Stavers got around the tetchy issue of promiscuity by saying, "David dates lots of girls."