(AP Photo, 04-25-07)
Oh, sure, some of you think that my recent aborted brush with a political "insider" revealed that when it comes to exclusives... well, I'm not very. That changes now, because I've got today's ultimate get, a one-on-one interview with one of John McCain's notoriously gay sweaters. Haven't you heard? This treacherous piece of machine-knitted actionwear, seen above in happier times, nearly sunk, Donna Rice-like, the grizzled fossil's entire campaign! The maligned winter garment could only spare a few minutes, but you're not going to read this anywhere else! Yay!
PRINCESS SPARKLE PONY: Hello, Mr. Sweater, thank you so much for talking to me today. I'm sure it's been a hectic day!
McCAIN'S GAY SWEATER: No, thank you, honey, because I know you'll tell my story correctly, unlike the mainstream media!
PSP: When did you first join McCain's campaign staff?
MGS: I was brought in by the hair and wardrobe crew last December.
PSP: Were you the first gay sweater on his staff?
MGS: No, there were others. There was a small coterie of gay outerwear; just five or six of us. Some of them kinda... disappeared along the way.
PSP: It sounds like your relationship with the senator was strained. Would you agree?
MGS: Well, obviously now I would. I was naive. I should have noticed the signs... he would grumble. I didn't want to believe it because I felt so close to him! I never thought he'd totally turn on us like he did today. Now, when I look back, I'm embarrassed that I didn't listen to some of the other sweaters. They tried to tell me that the missing gay sweaters had been on the senator's bad side, and that he had disappeared them, if you know what I mean. Unraveled, they said. It gives me the chills just thinking about it.
PSP: How long have you known that you were a gay sweater?
MGS: Honey, all sweaters are gay; it's just that some are gayer than others. I'm an understated, dark blue wool crewneck, so I'm what you'd call a Log Cabin gay sweater. V-neck sweaters are very gay, indeed, and there were several of them on McCain's staff with me. There were no cardigans, though, because there's just no way he would be that gay.
PSP: So where do you go from here?
MGS: I'll nurse my wounds in Lauderdale for a few months, but in the Fall I'll come back to The District. There's always call for a well-connected gay sweater in Washington.
PSP: OMG, that's totally true!