Most/Least Favorite New Websites

Recently a couple of new websites have fallen before my glittery gaze:
Ezra Klein's left-ish, "serious"  political thing, Vox.com, and Matt Barber's hyper-right wing Christian Barbwire.com. I absolutely adore the latter, while the former is boring and vexing and I'll quickly forget it ever existed. Surprised? You shouldn't be.

Right off the bat, Vox annoyed me. It's dry, it's sterile-looking. Worst of all, it has this story banner right at the top:

Ring a bell? That's because I recently wrote about how much I hate the whole "What you need to know about ______" trope, and how it has become so crazily overused that even Buzzfeed, I suspect, is embarrassed by it now.

Otherwise, I suppose Vox is OK. It's irritatingly insidery, which I expected (it's basically JournoList: the website), and populated by supposedly high-profile journalists who I'm not really crazy about. For instance, when they hired Matt Yglesias, I couldn't help but wonder if they were also going to hire a full-time editor to clean up his monstrous, frequent grammatical and spelling errors. Look, he seems like a really nice guy, and everybody obviously loves him, and he knows, I guess, what's he's talking about, but everybody seems to charitably overlook the fact that the guy cannot write! I'm not talking about occasional typos and homophone errors; I'm talking about a profound inability to use the English language in either an elegant or logical manner, and an approach to style and grammar which suggests "vague familiarity" at the best of times. As writers, Matt Yglesias, Ezra Klein et al were made for TV.

Let's turn to the infinitely more fun Barbwire.com. Are you familiar with Matt Barber? He literally makes his living denouncing the hairdressers, and this is his new website devoted mostly to doing just that. It is amazing. You will think it is a brilliant satire. Almost every article is about the homo menace, and while some "conservative" sites have learned to cool it with the Nazi comparisons, Barbwire embraces them with such frequency and enthusiasm that it's almost like a verbal tic. Enjoy the comment threads while you can, because they're  totally dominated by liberal trolls (including me; I know it's lame but I couldn't resist!) and a few Christian commenters who are bizarrely, pathologically invested in combating the frightening gay demons in their midst. I expect they'll scrap the comment fields soon. The whole thing is so strident and bonkers that it makes One News Now look like hippies in comparison. You will LOVE it. Barbwire should be preserved in the Library of Congress so that future generations can marvel at it.

UPDATE: According to Talking Points Memo, conservatives hate Vox, but I'm a liberal and I hate... well, no, I don't hate it.  But I don't like it, either. I love Barbwire!

Sunday Morning Mind****

Ooooh, trippy: go stare at this psychedelic optical illusion thingy and find out what your apartment would look like underwater.

I'm Totally in the Tank for Margaret and Helen

OK, so Margaret and Helen are two 80-somethings who are best friends since, like, forever. One of them moved far away, so Helen got her son to set up one of those blog thingies for her so that she could keep in touch with Margaret. And then before you know it, Helen's off on a wild tear, writing the most hilarious and awe-inspiring rants about Sarah Palin you've ever read. Helen's not afraid to call Sarah a bitch and she'll tell you exactly why.

Some people are calling bullshit on Margaret and Helen, but I've got no reason to doubt their story. If it's fake, it's pure genius; if it's real, it deserves the American Medal of Freedom. I seriously don't have enough sparkley parts on my body to thrust way, WAY up in the air to communicate my approval of this magical site.

I gather this has been lighting the interwebs on fire for a little while now, so I may be late to the party. So pardon me if you already know about it.

Quality You Can Feel

OK, so the latest Condi Roundup is up at Wonkette, and this time it's more than just a rehash of stuff I've already featured here. Since Condi was boring last week, I took the opportunity to find some inspirational Condi artworks around the web, including some surprising odes to her hairdo and shoes by Karen Finley (!).

But I really have to feature more of the jaw-droppingly gorgeous black velvet Condi on eBay. It's a Buy it now, so I've taken screenshots of the wonderful, wonderful page for the item, just in case somebody buys it and we lose something beautiful. I especially love how the chain-link fence and the Led Zeppelin lettering shown in the picture above conspire to add a touch of grandeur to the presentation.

Almost as good as the painting itself is the bizarre poetry of the sales pitch:

The Patriot Portrait Collectibles of Indignico Inc. Proudly Presents:

Corporate-American Republican
Condoleezza Rice
"The Secretary of Defensiveness"
On Black Velvet
The Limited-Issue Velvet Republicantm
from The All-New, Anything-Goes
2004 Re-Election Collectiontm

VELVET REPUBLICAN #271/1000

No American Citizen Should Be Without One.

Genuine Original Authentic Mexican
Hand-Painted Limited-Issue Velvet Republicantm
Presidential-Style Tijuana Black Velvet Portraits
~ from Indignico Inc. ~

And then it goes on and on AND ON from there. It seriously never ends, and OMG it's just about the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life.

UPDATE: Commenter Randy points out that nothing says respect quite like misspelling Condi's name!

Best Condisite Ever

I almost hate to tell you this, but this is not the only web site dedicated to Condi! It's true! None of them cover the important things (clothes, hairdos, inspiring new Hebrew put-downs) like I do, but they all maybe love her just a little more. And, gosh, they all sure do wish she'd run for president!

But anyway, I think I finally found my absolute favorite: 4condi.com and its accompanying Condiblog (it's really called that!), because absolutely everything about it is, like, totally oppositeville from here. It's so fun to read! And confusing! Is Condi a "Black Swan"?, they wonder, and I read their answer and I still don't know what the hell they're talking about! Sometimes they sound almost like PSP, like when they breathlessly exclaimed that the Annapolis thingy was "a success before it even starts" and then suggested playing Leslie Gore during the proceedings.

I think the following quote, from their hilarious post on The Art of Negotiation, best demonstrates the Bizarro World PSP qualities of this most excellent Condifan. It features so many of the same concerns as this blog: photo-ops, people saying mean things about Condi, the fact that she never really accomplishes anything, etc., but with a wacky down-is-up, bad-is-good spin:

Also, diplomacy is as important for what it does not accomplish — although it doesn’t make for great headlines or photo-ops. When a diplomatic solution is not reached, this is often a necessary first-step in enlisting the help of allies and neutralizing potential adversaries in non-diplomatic solutions. Remember England’s help in Iraq, for example?

Our Secretary of State deserves our support as she pursues the peaceful resolution of conflict around the globe. And keep in mind that “successful” negotiations frequently are successful for when they do not reach an agreement. The appearance of critics from within her own party and among our allies only weakens her negotiating position as she tries to do her job.

It's so fantastic to see Condi's legacy in such capable hands!

Activity Time! How Many Hairdresser Clichés Can You Spot?

I never thought it would be possible for Agape Press to get awesomer, but their new "Cartoon of the Week" feature accomplishes this seemingly impossible task. It's been going for a month or so now, but I've been patiently waiting for just the right cartoon to feature here, and boy, did they ever deliver today (see above)!

My favorite part is the necklace the evil, Druid-like priest is wearing. I mean, tsk, that peace shit is so totally gay and anti-Christian. Ew.

The cartoons are provided by the almost impossibly superfantastic jcuministries.com, a site which offers endless opportunities for contemplation and laughing 'n' pointing. Here's my favorite juxtaposition from their home page:

Jesus died for your zither, bitch.

UPDATE for all the twatwaffles who feel they must take me down a few pegs by informing me that the above is an Autoharp™, not a zither: yes, it is indeed an Autoharp™... a type of zither. Now please get a life.

Massive Peteykins.com Update

It's been a long time, but I've put up nine (!) more galleries of my mostly-non-political Photoshops in an all-new third index page at Sparkle Pony's brother site, Peteykins.com. Click the picture below to go there:

Strategically-Placed Beak and Wing Department

WOW! Boys and girls, do you like Pterosaurs? Of course you do! Well, good news! They're still around, and the fantastic folks at Objective: Ministries are going to prove it! First, be sure to check out their wonderful introduction, and then move along to their thrilling quest!

Princess Sparkle Pony is pawing the ground with her glittery hoof repeatedly in approval for this fantastic web site. Be sure to click around and to read every single page! And don't miss their incredible kids' pages. I think my favorite character is Hopsiah, the Kanga-Jew; what's yours? Some bad people tried to tell me that this site is a joke, but I don't think it is, and anyway, I dare you to find a joke site as good!

Big sparkly cuddles 'n' hugs to my little friend Matt4684 for pointing my nose in the direction of my favorite site of the year! And it's only March!