Thursday, September 04, 2014

Condi Roundup!

It's been a while since we've caught up with America's Princess Diplomat. Sure, I check now and again, but truth is, Condi just isn't up to much these days. It's a little too early still for the inevitable Condi Veep Rumors, so we'll have to make do with what we can get.

Let's go right for the jugular first. Oooh, somebody named Barry Switzer, who I believe is a sportsball celebrity of some kind, had the COLOSSAL NERVE to disparage Condi's presence  on the college football playoff selection committee:

"I don't know if Condoleezza Rice --- I admire her and what she's accomplished but I don't think she's played anywhere and I don't think she coached. Someone's going to have to tell her, direct her where she votes. She certainly doesn't have any first, second, third or fourth-hand knowledge."

WHO IS THIS FANGIRL CHICK? in other words.  "I don't think she's played," he gripes, thinking of, oh, just oodles of opportunities Condi must have had to play tackle football when she was a young lass. Ha ha ha, this Barry Switzer guy is obviously a dick, but he does have a point!

Happier times for Dr. Ferragamo are those times when she gets paid wheelbarrows full of monstrous sums of money to give short, could-do-it-in-her-sleep speeches to unchallenging groups of conventioneers and high school students. So how has that been going?

Very well!

Later this month, for instance, Condi will keynote the exciting and prestigious Josef Korbel School of International Studies Korbel Dinner (whew!) at the University of Denver. Sounds WILD. And then in October she'll keynote (I know, I know, I really shouldn't verb that word. I'll stop) the even more challenging and glamorous sounding Girls Inc. "Invest in a Girl" dinner. I'm predicting lots of texting and eye-rolling from this crowd. (Just kidding! Girls Inc. seems fine?)  I can already compose Condi's "believe in yourself and do what you love" speech in my head, and the young women in the audience will surely react as young women often do when faced with a Condinspirational talk.

Let's look back a little, now. Here's a fun group at the Aspen Institute:

(Christina Capasso/The Aspen Times) 

Condi and Maddie together! That's uncommon. They were boring, sorry. And look! It's adorable, teensy-weensy Robert Gates! It's nice to see Gates out of his neck brace, because the "broken doll" vibe just wasn't working for him. Sorry, that was insensitive.

But! Speaking of Madelaine Albright, and speaking of former secretaries of state, and speaking of Condi, or rather, of not-Condi, this happened today:

Let's see.... John Kerry, Hilary Clinton, Colin Powell, Maddy... Baker... Kissinger. Somebody's.... missing? This is a hard one. Has an important American secretary of state been omitted? Ooh, I know, I know! George Shultz!  I can't think of anybody else whose opinion matters being left out.

Oh, wait, they forgot Condi, too! ASSHOLES.

This has been your Condi Roundup.


dinthebeast said...

Maybe Condi had to take her weasel to the vet for a tune-up that day and couldn't make it back in time for the photo-op?

-Doug in Oakland

samael7 said...

Henry Kissinger is still alive? Wow.