Friday, November 16, 2012

Evangelical Leader Suggests Compromise. Ha, Ha, Not Really

Want some lulz? Why, of course you do! The Washington Post gave Texas Jesus cheerleader Robert Jeffress space on their editorial page to write a piece which almost seems to literally shudder and convulse as you read it. You will LOVE it.

It starts off sounding reasonable enough: Republicans and their evangelical remoras, Jeffress says, simply must find common ground with each other and with Democrats, to compromise on some issues, in order to win elections. How pragmatic:

Establishment Republicans and evangelicals should realize they are incapable of electing a president without the enthusiastic support of the other. Both have to change their thinking if they hope to capture the White House again.

As examples, God's ambassador gives raising taxes, protecting the environment, and banning assault weapons, things which, after all, aren't mentioned by Jesus anywhere in that handbook for ancient Middle Eastern resurrection cults that they love so much. 

How about Obamacare? "Acknowledging the need for governmental health-care reform does not necessarily pave the way for the rule of the Antichrist." Not necessarily.

But, ha ha ha, compromise on social issues like gay marriage and abortion? Not them. Never, ever, EVER on them. On those issues, the GOP must continue to purge moderates and ignore popular opinion. Jeffress' modest proposal:

I have a proposal for all Republicans. Instead of nominating a candidate who is mute or malleable on social issues but intransigent on political issues, let’s try the reverse. Let’s find a candidate who has a history of consistently and courageously embracing the social views of the majority of the Republican Party, as well as many Democrats and independent voters: that life in the womb should be protected and that marriage is for a man and a woman. But let’s also nominate a candidate who realizes that compromise with the other party is necessary if we are to restore our country’s fiscal integrity, protect our environment and provide the quality health care Americans deserve.

And then the good pastor wraps things up with a metaphor involving porcupines. The end. 


Anonymous said...

Yes, yes, Republicans. Please nominate presidential candidates who are resolutely anti-choice and anti-marriage-equality. This will surely lead to electoral success.

Flying Spaghetti Monster said...

I enjoy trying to imagine his wormy little hairdresser face and his thin reedy voice saying these hilarious things aloud. Oh the fun his congregation must have listening to this ridiculous little man every Sunday.