Monday, October 01, 2012

The Horror Returns


Oh, hey, hi! I'm back! And so's creepy Ellis the Elephant and his friend Callista Gingrich! Yay! What the world needs now is MOR CALLISTA.

So, yeah, Cally-Lou has published another inane book for kids about American Exceptionalism™ 'n' such, and this time her time traveling elephant (I never thought of this before, but I suppose this makes her books science fiction?) goes back to the pilgrims and the thirteen colonies, so neat.

One thing puzzles me: Ellis the Elephant, on the cover of the book, is wearing a pilgrim's hat (circa 1620) and waving an early American flag (circa 1777), which could really mess up the space-time continuum, if you think about it. Consider the poor pilgrims, totally confused by this ugly banner and ghastly talking beast. I believe they would have thought Ellis was an emissary of Satan and would have quickly dispatched the twee pachyderm and eaten him for Thanksgiving. Yum! Then they would have carved his tusks into scrimshaw and dedicated it to Jesus, the end.

Much more interesting story!

12 comments:

dianegsocialist said...

I definitely like your story better! :)

hooverific said...

Yeah, its not good to miss a chance to work the Jesus angle.

Anonymous said...

The good news is that now that Callista is not on the campaign trail, she has time to devote to styling her Cally-coif. It looks a bit more oval-y but at least the roots are not showing and the color matches the paneling nicely.

HRH King Friday XIII, Ret. said...

Counterfactuals!
Pilgrims eat elephants. Elepahnts replace turkeys as the animal assocaited with Thanksgiving dinner. Turkey hands cease to exist and.... noooooooooooo! Stop the time traveling elephant now before he destorys PSP in a time paradox!

Flying Spaghetti Monster said...

The smirking face of pure evil. Where is he intending on sticking that fat thumb?

The Cat's Meow said...

Ugh, Newtie and Cally-Lou. I wanna go back to Maddie and the drums.

Matthew Hubbard said...

Josh Marshall at TPM had a cute tweet a few weeks ago to the effect of:

Sidle up to Newt and whisper: "But Romney is electable." Then run away laughing.

Comrade Physioprof said...

Maybe the revolutionary peeps wore pilgrim hats just like today's tea party patriot peeps wear revolutionary hats!

Anonymous said...

Gack! Unprepared for seeing their visages. No sleep for me.

Aunt Snow said...

Jeebus. People writing children's books for the sole purpose of advancing their political agendae - creepy. Why do they write children's picture books? why doesn't Cally-Lou pen, say, a "tween" novel? - probably because she (or her ghostwriter) can't quite manage the skill to create a compelling character that a twelve-year-old would choose to read.

it's such literary condescension - knock off some piece of trivial sentimental trash with cute pictures and some Mrs. Sheldon Adelson will buy a case or two for the grandkids and nieces and nephews, never mind if it's any good.

Maybe her next project should be a proper Republican version of "50 Shades of Grey"? - she's probably got lots of source material in her diary.

sleepy in saudi said...

Thank you Aunt Snow!

Peteykins said...

Aunt Snow, I think it's more like Callista is simply providing a product she knows "conservative" ADULTS will buy. Tweens tend to select their own reading matter.