See, last week I meanly referred to the bizarre presidential candidate as Fred "Fred Who?" Karger. Little did I know that "Fred Who?" is literally his campaign slogan! This is funny! And sad! And again, it leads us the wonder what the hell is Fred Karger doing?**
Remember how jealous we all got on Thursday when we saw that lucky, puzzled couple in New Hampshire receiving a special Fred Karger Frisbee™ from the man himself? Hooray for us, we can pretend it happened to us, too, by cheating and purchasing one ($20!) from his fantastic campaign shop. There you will also find Fred Karger notepads (WHY?), stickers, t-shirts and bumper stickers, all with the funny/sad "Fred Who?" logo, and all modeled by gay-republicany-looking young men. These items are the makings for a clever Halloween costume, except that nobody would get it. Just imagine:
YOUR FRIEND: What are you?
YOU: I'm a Fred Karger fan!
YOUR FRIEND: Fred who?
YOU: Ha ha! That's what it says!
YOUR FRIEND: No, really, who the fuck is Fred Karger?
YOU: [20-minute description of Karger's baffling and pointless run for president ensues]
YOUR FRIEND: Isn't that [OTHER, LESS BORING FRIEND] over there? I need to go talk to him.
OK, maybe not, then. The shop site does, however, contain one hilarious joke. They offer an ugly American/rainbow flag combo pin, and look who they chose to model it:
Now that is for real funny. Still kinda sad, though.
**Here's my official guess: Fred is trying to become the "go-to Republican Gay™" for media appearances, etc. The problem with this, obviously, is that nobody wants or needs a go-to Republican Gay™.