Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Newt Gingrich's Brain Puzzler

Oh, sure, I looooove Callista Gingrich, but Newt is pretty great, too! I'm particularly impressed by just how religious Newt pretends to be these days. Is anybody really falling for this? But anyway, Newt spoke to the John Hagee crowd at the Cornerstone Megachurch™ on Sunday and said something that I've been totally baffled by ever since. "By the time [my grandchildren are] my age," Newt warned, "they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists." I want you to read that sentence over and over again until its utter incoherence sinks in, because it is totally a doozy. How exactly, one wonders, would a secular atheist society be dominated by radical Islamists? Try turning that around: if a society is dominated by radical Islamists, how could it possibly be categorized as "secular atheist"? Maybe Callista can explain how this works. Former actress/found object Victoria Jackson was also struggling with this concept recently, when she was all puzzled that demon Liberals love hairdressers but also love radical Islam, which doesn't make sense to her because "Islam kills homosexuals." She's right! It makes no sense! I look forward to the continuing evolution intelligent design of this argument.

12 comments:

Professor Chaos said...

Let's see, Islam is scary, atheists are scary, therefore Islam = atheist?

Anonymous said...

What did we do as a nation to deserve a Newt Gingrich?!?!?!

Matty Boy said...

This guy has had as many religions as he has had wives, so it's hard to take him seriously on this stuff.

Or any stuff, for that matter.

By the time Newt's grandkids are his age, This country split into three parts, the Islamist part, the Mexican part and the secular atheist gay part, and white people will be slaves in all three parts.

See? It's not that hard to predict the future, and it's kinda fun!

Maddiane said...

Phylogeny begets ontology?

Aunt Snow said...

The fact that he can utter such a sentence without a thunderbolt striking him down from the heavens is proof that there is no God.

samael7 said...

I don't know, it seems like standard operating procedure for the GOP of the last decade-plus: to randomly spout out scary things (or things they think are scary) with little regard for syntax, context, or accuracy.

Pretty soon, they'll just go on TV and claim, "Vote for me, or UGGA BUGGA MURDER DOOOOOOM!" Preferably while wearing a "Scream" mask.

Anonymous said...

Obviously the quality of education in this country took a great leap forward when Gingrich (and Dick Armey) left the teaching profession.

Anonymous said...

Here's how you connect these dots: Radical Islam and Secular Humanism are just two tentacles of the Octopus of Evil Barack (!) Hussein (!) Obana (!) - the other ones are Devious Communism and Militant Homosexualism!

See how easy when you let Fear and Hate be your guides!

Anonymous said...

Well now if Jeebus is the one true prophet, that would make Jeebus-tianity the one true religion. So everything else, yo, is secular. Such as hairdressing, Islam, Scientology, model railroading, etc. You need to get with the new thinking, o sparkly one.

Matty Boy said...

The last Anonymous may have hit the nail on the head. It's all about The One True Religion, and now that Newt's a papist, they just don't get any One-r or Truer than Catholicism.

Any we know who we have to thank for his most recent conversion. The Heavenly Hairdo Herself, Callista.

More evidence that it's Callista's world and we just live in it.

Fran said...

I'm more than a little late to this, but I have to admit to thinking the same thing when I heard this story the other day. Oh that Newtie! He gets hissef all mixed ups and stuff all the time!

Burnin said...

hey Newt: secular my aetheist until I radical.