Friday, November 19, 2010

Oh, By The Way, Charles Krauthammer Doesn't Want You To Touch His Junk. Romance Is Officially Dead.

I meant to write about this this morning, but... well, honestly, I was a little grossed out by the whole thing. Charles Krauthammer simply no longer wants his junk to be touched. Not by you, not by anybody. And all this time I thought I really had a chance! Dang. Sayeth beer can butt:
Not quite the 18th-century elegance of "Don't Tread on Me," but the age of Twitter has a different cadence from the age of the musket. What the modern battle cry lacks in archaic charm, it makes up for in full-body syllabic punch.
Uh oh, here we go:
Don't touch my junk is the anthem of the modern man, the Tea Party patriot, the late-life libertarian, the midterm election voter. Don't touch my junk, Obamacare - get out of my doctor's examining room, I'm wearing a paper-thin gown slit down the back. Don't touch my junk, Google - Street View is cool, but get off my street. Don't touch my junk, you airport security goon - my package belongs to no one but me, and do you really think I'm a Nigerian nut job preparing for my 72-virgin orgy by blowing my johnson to kingdom come?

OK, OK! Enough! I, for one, plan to respect Mr. Krauthammer's wishes. Just one more hope of a lifetime dashed, I suppose.

8 comments:

Karen Zipdrive said...

I hereby promise to keep my hands off his junk.

Fran said...

The thought of CK's um - "junk" - makes me taste the throw up in my mouth.

desertwind said...

Thank God!

Now I can scratch "Touch Charles Krauthammer's junk" off my to-do-before-I-die list.

dinthebeast said...

Uh, none for me, thanks.

-Doug in Oakland

→lisa said...

Old Man Shakes Fist at Cloud

Maddiane said...

Do you think he calls it his Krauthammer?

Aunt Snow said...

Ew.

JPinetone said...

Yikes at this post's artwork. Now that is a truly disturbing image (on many different levels) that is going to be hard to shake.

Being slightly out of the loop lately, I didn't realize that this phrase (uttered by someone from my home town of San Diego - God bless them) had already been adopted as a rallying cry by modern patriots. I guess I can look forward to hearing much more of it in the future. Maybe if it is lucky it will be this decade's "Let's roll".