Hey, Texans, The Republican Party Wants To Outlaw Your Sex Life, And That Means You Too, Non-Hairdressers

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A lot of hairdressers and interior decorators and sensitive young male drama majors have been writing about the new Texas GOP platform, which seeks to re-criminalize sodomy (example here). They write:

“We oppose the legalization of sodomy. We demand that Congress exercise its authority granted by the U.S. constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy,” the GOP platform reads. Meaning that even though the U.S. Supreme Court overturned sodomy laws last decade (ironically in a case that stemmed from Texas), Texas Republicans would like the state to have the power to criminalize LGBT folks for having sex.

Well, OK, true, yes, they want to outlaw oral and anal sex. But here's the thing: last I heard (I may be wrong about this?), straight people also engage in these activities! The platform doesn't specifically say "no sodomy for gay people, but everybody else have at it."

So even all you married couples in Texas (opposite marriage, of course!): do you like to, you know, have dinner under the bridge? Do you wish to admit the weapons inspector without unsealing the silo? The GOP wants you to stop that. Stop it right now! Don't make me slap that [poultry-related euphemism] out of your mouth!