Monday, June 21, 2010

Hey, Texans, The Republican Party Wants To Outlaw Your Sex Life, And That Means You Too, Non-Hairdressers

(Getty Images)

A lot of hairdressers and interior decorators and sensitive young male drama majors have been writing about the new Texas GOP platform, which seeks to re-criminalize sodomy (example here). They write:

“We oppose the legalization of sodomy. We demand that Congress exercise its authority granted by the U.S. constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy,” the GOP platform reads. Meaning that even though the U.S. Supreme Court overturned sodomy laws last decade (ironically in a case that stemmed from Texas), Texas Republicans would like the state to have the power to criminalize LGBT folks for having sex.

Well, OK, true, yes, they want to outlaw oral and anal sex. But here's the thing: last I heard (I may be wrong about this?), straight people also engage in these activities! The platform doesn't specifically say "no sodomy for gay people, but everybody else have at it."

So even all you married couples in Texas (opposite marriage, of course!): do you like to, you know, have dinner under the bridge? Do you wish to admit the weapons inspector without unsealing the silo? The GOP wants you to stop that. Stop it right now! Don't make me slap that [poultry-related euphemism] out of your mouth!


John said...

This year, with a credible Democrat running for governor, I am hoping that the GOP goes all out batshit crazy here. Alienate those Latino voters! Horrify middle of the road people who might vote Rick Perry because he has nicely sculpted hair! I want them to go for the gold, because it will help us all reach that happy day when their heads explode all over the state at the phrase "Governor Bill White." And so far, they show no signs of disappointing me!

Fran said...

Rick Perry would not have a fecking clue about what straight people do! Unless of course, he has started to read about them!!

Jason Zenobia said...

Here in Oregon, the state GOP self-destructed in the 90's over their rabid anti-gay crusade. It was horrible at the time, but OR has only one state-wide 'publican left.

(A rep. from some central county, if I'm not mistaken.)

Horrible to live through, but cleansing. I hope that's what's going on in Texas and the rest of the country with the Teabaggers.

Anonymous said...

"Texas GOP" has become my new euphemism for my in-laws.

z7q2 said...

Never mind the hummers, here's the wierdest thing about sodomy laws:

Putting a dildo in yourself: OK.

Someone else putting a dildo in you: Illegal.


Karen Zipdrive said...

I'll bet gay TX Gov. Rick the Prick Perry's anal sphincter started twitching when he heard this news.
It's much more fun when it's illegal!