Thursday, February 05, 2009

The Struggle MUST Continue

I love old hairdresser slang. I still believe, for instance, that a well-considered, judicious Mary at just the right moment can be a scream. Lately I've been hearing a great new slang term for, you know, interior decorator or florist, and I'm really hoping it catches on.

You've heard it: when somebody like Ted Haggard gets booted from the closet, they never say what Ellen and Clay said on those magazine covers. They don't say, "I'm gay," but, rather, "I'm struggling with same-sex attraction."

Isn't that the greatest phrase, like, forever?

It's also a favorite of the whole Ex-Gay™ guys 'n' gals. Their ads aren't all, like, Are you a homo? We can help! No, they just want to offer "mentorship of men who struggle with same sex attraction." And they do! Most of their clients end up enthusiastically embracing their struggles with same-sex attraction! Over and over again!

So anyway, this phrase is wonderful and hilarious* and you HAVE to start using it a lot, immediately. Here are some samples to get you started:

  • Hey, a bunch of us are going out tonight to drink beer and struggle with same-sex attraction. Wanna come?
  • It was hot: after dinner we went back to his place and struggled with same-sex attraction, like, five times.
  • I say OMG did you see that guy who just passed us? And you say OMG I'm struggling with same-sex attraction right now!

So good, right? Get on with it, then. Keep the struggle alive!

*Also, whoah, tell me that phrase doesn't resonate on, like, ten-thousand other levels, too. Am I right, hairdressers?


sfmike said...

You've sent me down a semiotic wormhole, Princess, and as a fellow hairdresser I'd have to agree that there are are at least 10,000 other levels. I will never utter "struggle" in quite the same way. I felt the same after seeing "Zorro, The Gay Blade" and everybody kept talking about "injewstuss to the pipples." Now I'm off to struggle with same-sex attraction injustice.

Drama Queen said...

Jesus' General has been addressing this very issue.

Mike B. said...

I don't put up much of a struggle. Just enough to spice things up :)

samael7 said...

Bona to vada, new hairdresser-speak!

carmen sutra said...

I vow to announce my struggle at least once daily!

But I have to confess: after I saw that rather 'pugilistic' image, this post was sooo not what I thought it was going to be about.

Lulu Maude said...

Viva la lucha!

FranIAm said...

Days late to this, I am compelled to say that I continue to struggle with my opposite-sex attraction and I really can't buy the t-shirt from post below with a clear conscience either.

Basically, I am left with nothing.