I love old hairdresser slang. I still believe, for instance, that a well-considered, judicious Mary at just the right moment can be a scream. Lately I've been hearing a great new slang term for, you know, interior decorator or florist, and I'm really hoping it catches on.
You've heard it: when somebody like Ted Haggard gets booted from the closet, they never say what Ellen and Clay said on those magazine covers. They don't say, "I'm gay," but, rather, "I'm struggling with same-sex attraction."
Isn't that the greatest phrase, like, forever?
It's also a favorite of the whole Ex-Gay™ guys 'n' gals. Their ads aren't all, like, Are you a homo? We can help! No, they just want to offer "mentorship of men who struggle with same sex attraction." And they do! Most of their clients end up enthusiastically embracing their struggles with same-sex attraction! Over and over again!
So anyway, this phrase is wonderful and hilarious* and you HAVE to start using it a lot, immediately. Here are some samples to get you started:
- Hey, a bunch of us are going out tonight to drink beer and struggle with same-sex attraction. Wanna come?
- It was hot: after dinner we went back to his place and struggled with same-sex attraction, like, five times.
- I say OMG did you see that guy who just passed us? And you say OMG I'm struggling with same-sex attraction right now!
So good, right? Get on with it, then. Keep the struggle alive!
*Also, whoah, tell me that phrase doesn't resonate on, like, ten-thousand other levels, too. Am I right, hairdressers?