Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Satan's Plan to Corrupt Florida School Kids with Black Magic Thwarted

As America's brain-damaged Christians get more and more isolated and inbred, we can expect a lot more stories like this:

Teacher Jim Piculas does a magic trick where a toothpick disappears and then reappears.

Piculas recently did the 30-second trick in front of a classroom at Rushe Middle School in Land 'O Lakes.

Piculas said he then got a call from the supervisor of teachers, saying he'd been accused of wizardry.

"I get a call the middle of the day from head of supervisor of substitute teachers. He says, 'Jim, we have a huge issue, you can't take any more assignments you need to come in right away,'" he said.

Piculas said he did not know f any other accusations that would have led to the action.

The teacher said he is concerned that the incident may prevent him from getting future jobs.


Oooooh, dark magic!

Presumably, Florida's Jesus Warriors then sentenced Mr. Piculas to be crushed to death with stone weights (after a thorough search for Devil's marks, natch).

13 comments:

FranIAm said...

Orlando, FL! A Salem for the new era!

Can you imagine, theme park revenues will skyrocket when they begin to pillory the wizards at Disney.

This is so sick.

Matty Boy said...

The standard method for making small objects disappear is the tourniquet, or French drop.

Yes, it's French! Do we need any more proof that it's evil?

Dennis said...

I sure don't, Matty Boy. Henceforth, the French drop will be called the Freedom drop. NO! Freedom rise, 'cause everyone knows freedom doesn't go down, it only RISES! USA! USA! USA!

Harry Potter said...

Wizardry?

HRH King Friday XIII said...

Toothpicks? Lame. I hear Jesus does a way better trick at his Vegas show: turning water into wine.

Madduane said...

I really think we should let all those bible belt backwaters secede from the union and then they can just recede into the middle ages and leave the rest of us to deal with issues unrelated to that particular brand of mental midgetry.

I am in school studying to be a teacher. I can't get my head around this. Why is that school district so completely spineless as to not even be able to back up one of their teachers on something so patently idiotic as this? Hasn't anybody ever heard of the Scopes Trial?

dguzman said...

I just want to know who in the hell made this accusation of "wizardry." I mean, if the guy had floated around the room, mouthing prayers to Satan -- maybe. But he made a toothpick disappear. Somehow I don't think Beelzebub gives a shit about toothpicks.

TeleFrank said...

To quote the Wise Bravo Elder (Tim Gunn) "This worries me!!!"

These MF'ing X-tians are really getting out of hand and something needs to be done quick or it's Weimar Germany all over again with the non-believers shipped off to internment camps.

samael7 said...

Well, the operative question is really where he made the toothpick disappear to.

Some answers are much more complicated and illegal than others.

samael7 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
IntangibleArts said...

How cute.

The old Romans had a neat magic trick as well, where they would transform Christians into piles of ash, and in some cases, lion droppings. A real show-stopper, there.

aah, those were the days...

TeleFrank said...

Even old Shrub himself, our most overtly jesus'-ass-kissing president we've ever had, said "I firmly believe that, you know, if there was a magic wand to wave, I'd be waving it, of course." Does this mean that even he'd summon the dark power of Satan if it would help his poll numbers?

Anonymous said...

I think they're worried about "I put on my robe and and wizard hat."