Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Future Hillary is a Bitch, Ruining Current Hillary's Campaign

Map of US showing states won by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Obama pummeled Clinton in Wisconsin and Hawaii, making it 10 wins in a row against his bitter rival in the Democratic White House race. (AFP/Graphic)

This election thingy just gets weirder and weirder! Somebody went into the future and personally witnessed evil future Hillary stealing the nomination and all the Super Delegates™, and now present day Hillary is losing because of something she hasn't even done yet!


I'm really looking forward to more election reporting from the future, where I've been informed that John McCain is already dead! OMG, Obama will easily win over the future dead guy!

But it doesn't matter, because that wily future Hillary has already stolen the election!

Or something! If present day Hillary loses, then how can future Hillary steal the election? Oooh, it's totally like one of those Star Trek conundrums. It's hard to keep track of these future things!

UPDATE: Right off the bat, a commenter accuses me of being a Hillary fan for writing this post. For the record, I'm for Obama. Making fun of people for trashing Ms. Clinton for something she hasn't done yet doesn't make me a Hillary fan.


She couldn't buy and sell me! said...

Boo-hoo. Another bitter Hillary fan can't stand the fact that her strategy--consisting only of an attitude of "You Have No Choice!"--stank, and failed.

Princess Sparkle Pony said...

Um, who are you calling a Hillary fan? You may wish to read more of this blog before insulting me.

Matty Boy said...

If Hillary doesn't lose now, she can't steal in the future! This is Time Travel 101, princess. If she's winning fair and square, there's no need for shenanigans later.

J. Matt said...

Why don't I understand this? News from the future? What am I missing?

karenzipdrive said...

I am a gracious Hillary supporter, meaning that if Obama wins the chance to run for president in the general election, I'll support him without rancor.
I wish more of Obama's supporters could be that way. :[

Alkibiades said...

I am ashamed to say that I don't get the "news from the future" thing either.

Last night was a rough night: I told my wife (9 years younger than me and an Obama supporter) that the only demographic Clinton had left were 60+ year old white women... and me.

She laughed for way too long at that.

dguzman said...

Hillary attacked for things she will do in the future, and Sparklepony attacked for things she didn't do in the past! Damn that time travel! Damn it to hell!

and welcome home! I've missed you *sniffle*

Princess Sparkle Pony said...


I guess this post is hard to understand? OK, so the whole buzz on the lefty blogosphere is that Obama is winning, but OMG HILLARY IS GOING TO STEAL ALL THE SUPERDELEGATES AND THEREBY STEAL THE NOMINATION, and partly due to this buzz, she's losing even more to Obama. So, in other words, she's getting her ass kicked because of something people think she's going to do but hasn't done yet. Get it?

zoe said...

PSP: Welcome back, missed you...and the vacation suits you as you are WAYYYYYYYYY too snarky today ------

HRH King Friday XIII said...

Technically, using the many-worlds theory in quantum physics, Future Hillary can still disrupt current Hillary's present without creating a paradox. Future Hillary can interfere from a parrallell universe in which she exists and travels into current Hillary's timeline. That's is how the writers of Star Trek explain it. So I guess the question is, does Future Hillary have an evil goatee?

usablogger said...

I get it, PSP. I got it the first time, this time, and the time in the future. Welcome back!

samael7 said...

Time travel hurts my head. And my tummy. Re-entry's a bitch.

Note to commenter SCBASM! above: check your Sarcasm-o-meter. Your acronym almost spells it, so maybe that's part of the problem.

Karenzipdrive: as an Obama supporter, I will not hate on the Hil. For the first time in a LONG time, I have two viable candidates for my party that both don't completely suck, and I won't have to hold my nose to vote for either of them.

Sadly, I am expecting a lot of rancor in the next few months, but I'm hoping that cooler heads will prevail with a semblance of decorum. I have yet to hear anyone spewing the volume of vitriol that wingnut pundits dumped on McCain prior to his securing the nomination, but November is a ways off.

(Although I must admit, I get a tiny, guilty shiver of pleasure when I see the Coulters, Malkins, Limbaughs, et al realize that they aren't the popular kids anymore. I . . . didn't know that schadenfreude could make me feel so . . . dirty. And I like it!)

drew in sf said...

Cue Conan O'Brien's "In the Year 2000" gag (is he still running that? I haven't stayed up that late watching TV for years, but I remember seeing it as late as 2002-03. I spoze I could turn it on right now...).

In the year 200x [a politician and/or party] will play fast and loose with the franchise of Florida residents, thereby ensuring their election regardless of the results from the majority of the national electorate. Not in my U.S. of Whatever!

Jess Wundrun said...

Leave Britney - er-I mean- Hillary aloooooooone!

Karen Zipdrive said...

I got the time travel thing, too.
If Hillary was capable of rigging this election, I somehow doubt she'd wait to hijack the Superdelegates. Since she's branded as soooo status quo, then she should have an in with Diebold, at which point she could have had them monkey with the voting machines.
Ooops, I forgot, 70 billion votes disappreared from Black precincts all over New York.

GOTVNYC said...

Clearly they didn't understand because you didn't put up a "Princess Sparkle Pony Seal of Endorsement" on election related posts?
Certainly a nifty graphic design concept of such is in the works?
Oh, and can it have sparkles?

dguzman said...

I think that being attacked for stuff they haven't even done is pretty much what the Clintons live with every day.

Vanessa said...


I am an Obama supporter, and I respect and like Sen. Clinton. Most Obama supporters I know are the same. :)

The ones you're talking about are people who don't agree with either Clinton or Obama on policy, but are willing to get behind Obama for things like character and integrity. I've met exactly three in real life-- all conservative independents.

As for the black precincts in Manhattan (I read about this too), it's worthy of investigation, although I seriously doubt Clinton was in any way involved: In multiple Harlem precincts, not one vote was recorded for Obama, even when locals issued testimonials to the contrary.