Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Larry Craig's Sexytime Cryptic Foot-Tapping Explained



One thing that stood out (LOL) in Senator Larry Craig's arrest report (for soliciting public sex with other men in an airport restroom, you may remember) was all the weird foot-tapping, almost as if the wayward Republican had been attempting to recreate one of the more heartfelt tap dancing scenes in Pennies from Heaven or, more plausibly, rudimentary Morse Code for "I want to [give pleasure to] your [poultry-related euphemism for male genitalia]." The arresting officer reports:

At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly.


Is this tapping part of the secret, not-terribly-subtle or complicated code of the tearoom queens? Why yes, inquiring mind, it certainly is! From the same public toilet sex-enthusiast web site I quoted yesterday comes this helpful tip (emphasis mine):

If you are in the stalls, pick the stall that might offer the most privacy (if there is such a thing). Many Cruisers go for the handicap stall if there is one, because it offers the most room and is often at the farthest end of the washroom. Once there you can pull your pants down all the way to your ankles. This is a good sign that you open for business.

More and more public restrooms have automatic toilet flushing devices. Take a couple sheets of toilet paper folded, spit on an edge, and cover the electronic sensor. That way you can lean forward to check out other [people who give pleasure to poultry-related euphemisms for male genitalia] without the toilet automatically flushing.

If there is someone beside you, try tapping your foot once and see if he taps back. If he does, move your foot closer and do it again. After a couple taps back and forth, you are usually in luck. Clearing your throat can also be a good way of letting other guys in the restroom know you are there.


Poor Larry, he was doing everything right!

PS: For those of you yesterday who were wondering exactly how they... pleasure each other... under the stalls:

If there are no glory holes, you can go for under-the-stall action. Make sure that if you are on your knees having some guy [give you pleasure] underneath the stall, that you are flexible enough to quickly get up and recover should someone else come in. If there are glory holes, see the Glory Hole section of this guide for more info on getting off at your local hole.


This has been the most educational week ever on Princess Sparkle Pony!

UPDATE: From Thursday's Washington Post:

"If you are in the stall, you tap your foot, and if the person next to you taps a foot, you keep going back and forth until one person makes a move," he says. "Someone will then stick their hand underneath. Or they will pass a note on paper. Or, what I've heard is, when they think it's safe," they will move on to sexual contact in the space beneath the partition."


Wow, does that sound in any way familiar?

14 comments:

No Marsupial Equivalent said...

Thank you princess! Also, I love the photo -- it reminds me of Terry Gilliam.

Karen Zipdrive said...

I see you and I are working overtime tonight, boyfriend. While I envy your photoshopping skills, I try to make up for it in lesbo earnestness.
I have uncovered the real reason for his wide stance, however, so do come see me, make a comment and make my big sister envious!

Distributorcap said...

the green doors would match the green hush puppies

Karen Zipdrive said...

Distributorcap- I somehow doubt a man with such fastidious footwear would risk soiling them with anonymous man-juice in some nasty public toilet.

Petulant said...

As a man of a certain persuasion and fondness for hairdressers, I am learning SO MUCH! Would tap shoes be considered discreet?

The King said...

He would never soil his shoes. But he will achieve a tangible result. Oh, thank you pretty pony. You make insomnia awesome!

Matty Boy said...

I know we're having way too much fun with this, as I have posted my own take on this and even been a self-Buzzfeed attention hog, but in point of fact, isn't this the least sex EVER in a sex scandal? Even the loofa-falafel phone sex thingy had more hot action than this poor NOT GAY AND NEVER HAS BEEN guy trying to get lucky AGAINST HIS WILL AND COMPLETELY BY ACCIDENTAL MISINTERPRETATION in an airport lavatory.

Besides NOT BEING GAY AND NEVER HAS BEEN GAY, Larry Craig should only be ashamed for not upholding the standards that have been set by George Michael, Hugh Grant, Boy George, Pee Wee Herman and even fellow senator David Vitter.

So much fuss and not even a little muss. It's sad, really.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Sparkle!

The dirty old goat is obviously toast, but that doesn't mean he can't collect his pound of flesh!

He should find out who tipped off Roll Call (interesting choice, no?); get dirt on that guy and leak -- leak!!! -- it all over creation.

Kelster93 said...

Not to ruin the mood (or silence those happily tapping shoes), but wouldn't the pleasure be somewhat compromised by the fact that you're kneeling on the floor of a PUBLIC RESTROOM? Urgh...

FranIAm said...

I think that "the space beneath the partition" could be a great blog name for a bathroom cruising blog.

Anonymous said...

Great idea, Petulant. Tap shoes indeed for the Astaire of St.Paul !

BTW, I was at a certain Capitol Hill gym/disco last night and couldn't help but notice an abundance of foot tapping between sets by bench pressers and the like. Shouldn't they be more discreet now ? Or ask management to change the music ? It is difficult to resist tapping when the music is so loud and so dancy. Makes me wonder what kind of music is piped into the lavs at MSP....

dguzman said...

It's a good thing he did his research -- oh wait, he was just tapping his foot to help his old prostate get the flow going, I'm sure. Because is he TOTALLY NOT GAY NOT AT ALL.

Lulu Maude said...

It just seems like such an itty bitty space for sexual contact. You'd have to be really flexible.

Glory holes seem so much more ergonomic.

Anonymous said...

You keep calling it a "[poultry-related euphemism for male genitalia]". But "cock," in its fowl sense, is not a "euphemism" for male genitalia, but rather the word for which a euphemism needs to be used. "Male genitalia" itself would be such a euphemism, as would be the whole phrase, "poultry-related equivalent/synonym for male genitalia." And one more quibble: the thing that "cock" so *rudely* expresses--namely the penis--is not "male genitalia" in its generality, since that would also include "sporting-goods-related synonyms" (i.e., "balls").
Cheers.
ANON.