Friday, December 22, 2006

Helpful Tips for Wannabe Christian Lunatics

Step Five: Brownback '08!

Sure, we all want to be spittle-flecked, hysterical religious whack-jobs, but wbere to start? Thank goodness for Chuck Baldwin, the former VP candidate from the Silly Party (the hilariously-named Constitution Party), and noteworthy radio chucklehead, because he's just published a handy and inspirational call-to-arms titled "What Christians Can Do". It's an easy step-by-step process, it turns out:
  1. Ditch your girly church and find a suitably fanatical one. This may require additional travel time and/or relocation.
  2. Hide in a cave with nothing but World Net Daily and Christian talk radio. Even Fox News, shockingly, can't be trusted.
  3. Leave the GOP. They simply aren't committed enough to serious craziness.
  4. Close your eyes and pray.
Sounds great to me! I hope it catches on.


Matty Boy said...

Ah yes, WorldNetDaily, the home of author James Rutz, who recently told his readers that soy products fed to boy babies make said babies gay and reduce the size of their penises! (Gay AND unpopular! Very very sad.)

One thing I have to agree with here; there is the disgusting right wing noise, and then there is the bughouse C-R-A-Z-Y right wing noise. Find a nest of that and you'll see that Betty Bowers and Morel Orel are satire but not by much.

guru-On-A-Soap-Box said...

Personally, I am sick and tired of all this humanistic shit, all this caring and open mindedness. I'm finding it utterly demoralizing and exhausting. So I'm up for the challenge, I'm ready to swing into extremities (not physical of course, metaphorical) because being a tree hugging liberal with 14 vegan cats and an 'open' relationship with 6 gurus of various shades of 'Indian-ness' has worn me to a frazzle.

BRING ON THE CHRISTIAN WACK JOBS! They can't be any worse than Sebastopol, California.

(not that I live there anymore, it's more of a 'visual')

Namaste you Christ deniers!

Timm Knibbs said...

Our country was founded by "Christian luniatics" like Baldwin.

dusty said...

This post just made my friggin day..thanks PSP!

Blue Gal said...

Timm, your comment made Thomas Jefferson laugh his ass off.

HRH King Friday XIII said...

He left the part out about blowing up abortion clinics and federal buildings.