U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice speaks during a news briefing at the State Department in Washington to release the 6th Annual Trafficking in Persons Report June 5, 2006. REUTERS/Yuri Gripas (UNITED STATES)I swear, people come up to me on the sidewalk --total strangers-- and beg, "Princess Sparkle Pony, how can I tell when I'm seeing the real Condoleezza, and when I gazing adoringly at her simulacrum, the fabulous Condibot?" My first response is, like, do you really need to know? I mean, both are programmed by the same team, so does it matter?
OK, well, first you have to determine if it's the proper environment where the Condibot can be used, such as simple podium-based events and Sunday television programs, where all she needs to do is parrot her talking points. Condi's mad escapades overseas, for instance, are far too unpredictable a landscape for the 'bot to trusted. Next, the Condibot usually requires a little extra coverage in the wardrobe department, so as to cover its many wires and access panels. Condicising, for instance, would be a poor time to attempt a Condibot switcheroo. So anyway, that's the easy part, but the next requires far more dedication, for now you must obsessively watch every public move Condi makes over a period of weeks... months... years. Soon enough, you'll learn her many peculiar gestures, tics, voice patterns and, above all, facial expressions, and all the little inconsistencies of the articial Condi constructoleezza will reveal themselves in time.
So now take another look at the picture at the top of the post. Is it the Condibot?
11 comments:
My Gay-dar is impecable but my Condibot-dar, not so good. However, with the blank stare into space, I'd guess, yes, this is a picture of the Condibot.
I'll take a guess...as soon as I stop pissing myself laffing at 'condibot constructoleezza'...
I always look to grade how lazy her lazy eye is. This kind of achievement in skills has done me a world of good.
'bot. b/c no human could achieve that odd torso/neck/head angle: the 'bot does it with servos.
Has to be the 'bot, b/c she looks kind of stoned, and you KNOW our gal wouldn't do that sort of thing!
No! Stop! Now I'm going to have nightmares because I'm afraid the Condibot is everywhere. Will you come check under my bed? And the closet, too?
Is that a mike or the voice-box with the wires dangling out?
P.S. Princess. You figured out which one is having the affair with George?
Total bot.
Look at those eyes! They are cold, dead, and without human compassion. Clearly, therefore, this is the real thing. No robot could be that soulless.
Gripas can sure catch her worst..gotta give it to him..he hates her ass.
Did you ever see the episode of - I think it was the Brady Bunch - where the bad guy was faking a neck injury and they were all in court, and Peter Brady (I think) threw a briefcase on the ground and made the faker turn their head? and everyone found out the bad guy was faking? Brilliant. Well my point is, maybe there is some sort of test that could be done for either Condi or her 'bot. But what would it be??? Hm... I also refer you to the classic episode of Little House on the Prairie, where Laura stabs Nellie's toes with a pin to show that Nellie is faking paralysis. Best. Episode. Ever. Problem: maybe to throw us off, though, Condi sometimes TRIES to look like the Condibot! There could be wheels within wheels of this thing!!! I'm gonna risk it and vote it's the Condibot here tho.
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