Please note: The recordings reproduced here carry neither a date nor copyright information. Nevertheless, please read the audioblog disclaimer.
There really isn't much to say about this week's selection of Christian stories for children, other than they are typically psychotic. What is it with Biblical fundamentalists and the heavy scare tactics? I guess it's because they're raising their kids in a culture which is counter-intuitive, counter-fun and borrring, so the anti-examples they feel they must provide tend to be pretty extreme. Here's a few words of wackiness from the back cover:
Click to see the entire back cover scanned HUGE (but in greyscale) so that you can enjoy every crazy word.
Aunt Bertha tells us a couple of whoppers here. First up is the tale of a little liar named Sorry. Exasperated by the boy's continuous pranks and Satanic disposition, Aunt Bertha gives the boy a demonstration of his sins so eccentric that it's no wonder he doesn't learn his lesson. Luckily, "unloaded" firearms and little girls make for much more compelling learning aids. Warning: this is lonnng, scratchy, and there's a terrible hymn at the end:
Sorry is as Sorry Does (14:56, 17.1mb mp3)
Next, little Timmy or Sammy, or whatever the hell his name is, doesn't understand the Holy Trinity. Of course, we know that's because he's smart, but Aunt Bertha feels that it's time to jump in with a ridiculous demonstration involving an egg, the sun, and theology which probably wouldn't pass muster at Bob Jones University. Fans of The Residents will snicker knowingly at the hymn at the end:
Three in One (9:47, 11.48mb mp3)
I'm sure some of you were raised with records like this. I'm sure glad I wasn't. Also, please enjoy the timeless void a lot of these religious recordings float within. Is it the 50s? The 60s? Only God knows for sure!
EDIT: Whoah! The Children's Bible Hour is still around! And they speak reverently of the "Aunt Bertha Period". CDs are available, but not of this ancient stuff, which is probably just as well.