Monday, February 06, 2006

Monday Audioblogging: Let's Do the Time Warp Again



Are you ready to hop aboard the Princess Sparkle Pony time machine? It's set for 1967, the Summer of Love™! We're not going to go to San Francisco, though. Phew!

Instead, let's head to Dynamic Denton, Texas! Yay! It's the disappointing tip of the Denton/Dallas/Fort Worth triangle, and today it's mostly known as... the airport. But, gosh, in 1967 they put together a whole little musical about how fabulous they were! And they pressed records of it! Let's listen in:

Dynamic Denton in Sound and Music (11:05, 13mb mp3) Copyright 1967, City of Denton, Texas

What's not to like? Does it say anything about the place, though? Sure it does! One of the running jokes is about the theme jingle, which starts with an excited "We're gonna get a new band shell", the hoped-for result of Dynamic Denton Democracy in action. Midway through, the narrator's presumed wife asks, "Have we gotten the new band shell yet?" to which the narrorator replies, "Nnno, but we've got a song!" And there are plenty of songs! But at the end of it all, the housewife is still plaintively yearning, "...but a new band shell would be nice." So odd... such a typical example of Texas politics.

Also, note that it took them four years to get around to releasing the record ("Home of Miss America, 1971!").

But before you visit Denton, will you please exercise your face?



Facial Exercises, narrated by Ern Westmore, copyright 1967 Holiday Magic Cosmetic Co. Click the cover for larger, more gorgeouser!

Another bizarre relic from 1967. Can you take it? Yes, there are facial exercises, but first you have to suffer through the manic, totally non-stop rant by the narrator, going on and on AND ON about, duh, the importance of our faces. Believe me, I had a really hard time waiting for the guy to shut up for the fraction of a second it takes to mark the track digitally. And then, finally, in the fourth track, you get a stirring history of the Holiday Magic Cosmetic Company, a breathless endorsement which surely will make Sister Nancy levitate in rapture. These files are the first side of the LP, and it's a really crappy recording, so enjoy!

Breathless Introduction (7:57, 9.3mb mp3)
Excercise Your Face (4:40, 5.5mb mp3)
Keep Exercising Your Face (2:36, 3.1mb mp3)
Exercise Your Face Some More and Listen to an Ad (5:16, 6.2mb mp3)

And because I'm a demanding hostess, I've scanned the entire inside of the record (click for bigger) so that you can actually perform the facial exercises, because I think you really should:


This took six scans so... um... look at it, OK?

Whew! Until next Monday's thrilling episode, please don't forget to read the audioblog disclaimer and excusinator!

EDIT: It occurred to me that the Facial Excercise album neatly demonstrates that to serious collectors of weird records, no section of the record store --even the exercise section-- should be overlooked.

UPDATE: Howdy, visitors from Metafilter and elsewhere! Google "audioblogging" and "princess sparkle pony" and enjoy a whole bunch of strange recordings.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

your site is the best- i am breathlessly awaiting your take on Super Bowl Condi...

Anonymous said...

Does Condi cover this album?

Peteykins said...

Whoah, Condi could totally use it. Facial expressions are a major area of difficulty for her.

Anonymous said...

ha ha. the facial guy says "far'ed" for forehead. i don't know why i find that funny. i'm just a simple guy.

Anonymous said...

sooo...denton has...strip malls, water service, a library and um...democracy!

but alas no band shell. p'shaw.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Honey, I've been to Denton and it's particularly famous for a women's university (TWU) that graduates more Phys. Ed. major dykes than any city in the world.
You want to see mullets on women in 2006? Go to Denton- it's a mullet extravaganza!!

taj said...

OMFJG, I lived in Denton for six unholy years! I managed to graduate (cum laude, if you please) from TWU, mullet-free. Here's some other things in Denton:

FEMA headquarters

rampant recreational rohypinol use

'Goat Man's Bridge', where a goat was found hung (you go there really stoned to freak yourself out)

Two fantastic guys who are expecting their second adopted child

Go Eagles! And, um, TWU Pioneers!

samael7 said...

I listened to about 23 seconds of that man's voice from the exercise album and wanted to rip his face off.

He must have been like the Richard Simmons (of the face world) of his day.

The exercise pictures more than make up for it. It's hard to look at them and not start twitching your face muscles in sympathetic resonance to her contortions.

It's wonderful that even then, those suffering from crippling facial palsy could find work.

Anonymous said...

Denton is over 20 miles from DFW, but is home to two universities and was recently called "The Next Seattle" by the Guardian re: its music scene.

Anonymous said...

Did you know that the Holiday Magic company was closed for being a ponzi scheme and that the founder was also involved in another scheme to do with self help seminars. It is quite odd