Sunday, March 12, 2006


Condi's trip to Santiago is already such a whirlwind of podiums, matching armchairs and bizarre presentations that I hardly know where to begin! So let's start off slowly with a matching armchair shot:

That our pretty princess with René Preval, President-elect of Haiti. I'm assuming they solved all of Haiti's poverty 'n' stuff during their lengthy (one entire hour!) visit. Next up is where it gets delightfully stranger, when Condi is presented with what can be most humorously described as a ukelele lined in cocaine:

It can be more accurately described as a charango, a traditional Andean musical instrument. So what's the gag? That bright green you see is coca leaves! And the guy giving it to her is Evo Morales, the head of the coca growers' union who just got elected President of Bolivia and promised to be "a nightmare" to the US. Ha ha ha! *awkward pause* Ha ha!
Rice gamely strummed the instrument for a moment and posed with it for a Chilean television camera. U.S. officials were checking with Customs, but it's not clear whether Rice can legally bring the instrument into the United States.
Wheee! Let's see her strumming the cocapolstered guitar:

No, really! Play it!

Ha ha! We made it especially for you, Condi! Play it!

OMG, that was so much fun. Thank you, Evo Morales, for helping make this trip xtra magical for Condi. I bet she didn't expect your wild 'n' crazy political humor to be so sophisticated! Or so awkwardly effective! He turned the tables brilliantly by transforming a photo-op (which he knew was all he was going to get) into a political opportunity, the exact opposite of what Condi's accustomed to! She never saw it coming.


Unknown said...

Well hell..and hour to solve all the crisis' in Haiti? Condi is up to the task I am sure....NOT. They even have matching water bottles and glasses. Did someone stand them up? There is an empty chair between them like he has cooties or something.

Do you think the green-eyed monster paid a visit since our Condi was upstaged by the new female Prez of Chili?

Peteykins said...

Also, how much do you want to bet that the time it took to stage that matching armchairs photo-op was probably included in that hour?

Unknown said...

Never thought of that..but of course it did..

Love the last shot..she looks a tad buck-toothy in it.Kind of a HeeHaw moment.

Karen Zipdrive said...

What everyone missed was the audio portion of Condi's performance- which included singing her trademark themesong:

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired.
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth.
And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say come dance with me
and murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems
At seventeen.
A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
said, Pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve.
The rich relationed hometown queen
Married into what she needs
A guarantee of company
And haven for the elderly.
Remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
Indebentures of quality
And dubious integrity.
Their small town eyes will gape at you
in dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received
At seventeen.
To those of us who know the pain
Of valentines that never came,
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball.
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me.
We all play the game and when we dare
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say, come dance with me
and murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me
At seventeen.

Lulu Maude said...

Ah, I knew you'd have pictures of the contraband gee-tar! It's nice to be able to count on you. I can see she doesn't know any chords. I remember that picture of Bush Sr. "playing" the elec. guitar with Lee Atwater. You'd think she could at least do a little BB King grimace.

Get down, Condoleeeeeezzzzza!

Anonymous said...

Final frame looks like she finally got the joke and thinks it's funny!! WTF!

PS Gotta love these magical codes we have to punch in. Hahahahaha Try saying them from time to time. It's just gotta mean something.

Iris said...

Great stuff as usual! Love the uncomfortable shots of Condi and Mr. Coca Grower together.

Adam J said...

You've got to hand it to the Bolivians: They know how to send an F-U-logy without dropping bombs on civilians. Maybe the US could get the message and start giving turbans with nipples drawn on them to the Saudi sheiks. Or at least exposed women's faces. Or jawlines. Somethin'.

Lulu Maude said...

If Condi did snort the offending leaves, they'd give her a terrible headache, what with the varnish and all...