Monday, November 04, 2013

What If Ted Cruz Suddenly Became A Drag Queen?

He's halfway there, isn't he? He already looks like an almost perfect cross between Joe McCarthy and Pee Wee Herman. So, OK, it would be surprising if Ted Cruz showed up to a congressional hearing in a smart St. John Contrast-Trim Milano Blazer (one must dress appropriately for the place, after all!) worn with a silk blouse and a color-blocked pencil skirt, but it would be refreshing, entertaining, and quite possibly even effective! Here's a look at how a typical week for Tia Partay might play out:

  • Monday: "I realize we were called back to Capitol Hill on short notice," Harry Reid admonishes Cruz, "but there is NEVER any acceptable excuse for a caftan and slouch boots, Miss Thing."
  • Tuesday: Cruz receives standing ovation for latest fake filibuster, not because he accomplished any legislative goal, but because he ended with a rousing lip sync of "I Dreamed a Dream."
  • Wednesday: Asked about the latest congressional stalemate, an exasperated Nancy Pelosi bitterly tells reporter, "I don't know when it will end. Why don't you ask Ted Cruz's ASHY KNEES?" Widespread conservative media outrage ensues.
  • Thursday:  "It's nice to see," Rachel Maddow wryly observes, "that Erick Erickson, Glenn Beck, and Tucker Carlson are suddenly so passionate about defending ashy knees."
  • Friday: After Cruz releases latest fundraising and spending statements, "Lacefrontgate"scandal is born.


Fran said...

I have not been by in ages, and an upcoming trip to DC caused me to think of you. What a gift you give to us all today! My sluggish Monday morning blahs have turned to outright joy as I consider the imagery here.

This is rich and it is high time for life to imitate blog. It so totally works!

dianegsocialist said...

You know that Eric, Clenn, and Tucker would *totally* have Tia's back.

KarenZipdrive said...

If I coupd pay someone to go after Cruz it'd be Petey.
Get him!

HRH King Friday XIII, Ret. said...

Omg he totally IS a Pee-Wee McCarthy!!

Anonymous said...

Don't mess with ClEriTuckTIa !

Matthew Hubbard said...

I haven't been commenting much, the Captcha is getting worse and worse, but I did want to mention Tengrain's drag queen name for La Divina Cruz.

Wilma Ballsdrop.