OK, so first of all, there is nothing more thrilling to me than an article about America's Princess Diplomat which includes the magic words View the Slideshow, and that's what we get from Al.com, your source for all things Alabama. Follow plucky Condi and her golf buddy, Tom Lehman, as they exploit, I mean visit (sorry!) Children's of Alabama, a hospital positively brimming with sick youngsters with whom concerned celebrities may pose. The first photo is my favorite because it's so utterly baffling:
I love that Al.com feels no need to explain what is happening is this bizarre photograph. It looks all the world like they are examining an industrial dijonnaise bladder. I could write a play based upon this photograph. Maybe I will! Here's an *exclusive* excerpt:
Nurse: As you can see, the industrial dijonnaise bladder has loads of personality. I call this one "Caroline."
Condi: I can't tell you how moving it is to see this industrial dijonnaise bladder.
Patient: I like to place small objects on the industrial dijonnaise bladder. It makes me forget that I'm sick.
Tom Lehman: This is the greatest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Note the skill with which she places the small object on the industrial dijonnaise bladder.
Nurse: She's come a long way. Only two days ago this patient was too depressed to care about even small, single-serving packets of America's favorite mustard/mayonnaise-based condiment, and just look at her now!
Condi: Have I mentioned that we should intervene in Syria? *breaks into song*
And then it's somebody else's turn:
Truly, life is so much better when you have no idea what's going on. If Condi has taught us anything, it is that. Look at her! She is transfixed!
I suppose I could, you know, READ the article to see if this mysterious series of photographs is explained but... see the preceding paragraph.
OK, next! Earlier in the month, Our Beloved played piano in –get this– Beverly Hills for her charity which benefits music programs for children. That's fine! I have no problem with that.
On the other hand, would you believe that Condi wants us to intervene in Syria? Of course she does. And it's so wonderful that CBS News pays her to sit there and say, "the United States doesn’t have an option of no action"? Money well spent! It turns out that ONLY the United States can intervene, because if we don't, something will spread. I'm not sure what will spread. Condoleezza Rice doesn't really say what, exactly, will spread throughout the region, but it's sure to be bad if the United States doesn't further complicate things. Because we can! This is the entirety of her argument. Adorable.
Finally, most college students will have fun this summer, but a handful of young people at prestigious Buena Vista University in bustling Storm Lake, Iowa, have been singled out for punishment and sentenced to the dreadful task of reading Condi's books so that they can chat about them with the author this Fall. Poor things.
This has been your Condi Update! Go forth with this knowledge and prosper!