Wednesday, June 12, 2013

What Do Sick Children, Piano, Golf, And Intervention In Syria Have In Common? Condoleezza Rice!

Well, my goodness, readership of this blog has been plummeting lately (too much photoblogging on the photoblog, I imagine), so I guess I better write about Condi! What I love about Dr. Ferragamo is that she is one of the most boring people on the planet, and yet, paradoxically, she's superfun to talk about, and, well, let's face it: she is my muse! So let's play catch-up, shall we?

OK, so first of all, there is nothing more thrilling to me than an article about America's Princess Diplomat which includes the magic words View the Slideshow, and that's what we get from Al.com, your source for all things Alabama. Follow plucky Condi and her golf buddy, Tom Lehman, as they exploit, I mean visit (sorry!) Children's of Alabama, a hospital positively brimming with sick youngsters with whom concerned celebrities may pose. The first photo is my favorite because it's so utterly baffling:

(Joe Songer/jsonger@al.com)

I love that Al.com feels no need to explain what is happening is this bizarre photograph. It looks all the world like they are examining an industrial dijonnaise bladder.  I could write a play based upon this photograph. Maybe I will! Here's an *exclusive* excerpt:
Nurse: As you can see, the industrial dijonnaise bladder has loads of personality. I call this one "Caroline."

Condi: I can't tell you how moving it is to see this industrial dijonnaise bladder.

Patient: I like to place small objects on the industrial dijonnaise bladder. It makes me forget that I'm sick.

Tom Lehman: This is the greatest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Note the skill with which she places the small object on the industrial dijonnaise bladder.

Nurse: She's come a long way. Only two days ago this patient was too depressed to care about even small, single-serving packets of America's favorite mustard/mayonnaise-based condiment, and just look at her now!

Condi: Have I mentioned that we should intervene in Syria? *breaks into song*

And then it's somebody else's turn:


Truly, life is so much better when you have no idea what's going on. If Condi has taught us anything, it is that. Look at her! She is transfixed!

I suppose I could, you know, READ the article to see if this mysterious series of photographs is explained but... see the preceding paragraph.

OK, next! Earlier in the month, Our Beloved played piano in –get this– Beverly Hills for her charity which benefits music programs for children. That's fine! I have no problem with that.

On the other hand, would you believe that Condi wants us to intervene in Syria? Of course she does. And it's so wonderful that CBS News pays her to sit there and say, "the United States doesn’t have an option of no action"? Money well spent! It turns out that ONLY the United States can intervene, because if we don't, something will spread. I'm not sure what will spread. Condoleezza Rice doesn't really say what, exactly, will spread throughout the region, but it's sure to be bad if the United States doesn't further complicate things. Because we can! This is the entirety of her argument. Adorable.

Finally, most college students will have fun this summer, but a handful of young people at prestigious Buena Vista University in bustling Storm Lake, Iowa, have been singled out for punishment and sentenced to the dreadful task of reading Condi's books so that they can chat about them with the author this Fall. Poor things.

This has been your Condi Update! Go forth with this knowledge and prosper!

9 comments:

Fran said...

Thanks for the Condi-liciousness today. I never think about missing her, mostly because I don't... but then something like this comes along, and I find myself oddly satisfied. Heavy on the oddly!

As for faithfulness, I am here for every photobloggy post, whether I comment or not!

Anonymous said...

Argghh..I just left a long comment and it got eaten.

In summary, I look at the photobus/photoblogging, but I don't understand them.

Your Condi play is awesome. No need to even read the real story although I was disappointed there wasn't a "click for bigger" option. Thanks for the laugh this morning.

-tasha

HRH King Friday XIII, Ret. said...

I know what she's thinking. The dijonnaise bladder needs more glitter.

Muscato said...

In the second photo, she looks less like herself than like someone else entirely, who happens to be attempting an African-American Jerri Blank impression - is she having some sort of dental crisis?

Lulu, the Dewey Dame said...

I believe that they are checking the dijonnaise bladder for ricin. The trouble with being a sick kid is that famous people who deserve our contempt come to visit you, which puts you in danger. That little device placed upon the bladder is a monitor of sorts.

Unfortunately, there is little to no brag value in receiving a visit from Doktor Rice.

dianegsocialist said...

I only hope that's dijonnaise.

Wayne in CA said...

Oh PSP how I loves ya. Thanks for the Condifix. I DID read the article to try to find out what's going on in the pics. Best I could come up with is, "He and Rice conducted science experiments with students." Which, eeewww. Hey, do you know who ELSE conducted science experiments on helpless children? Today's goal: try to work the term "industrial dijonnaise bladder" into conversation.

Rosa S. Levy said...

"Interacting in person" with Condi is, we are told, the "chance of a lifetime." Sadly for you, young Michael Boyle, it's all from here.

RSL said...

all _downhill_ from here, that is.