Monday, November 19, 2012

Ándale! Ándale! Arriba!

I mentioned just the other day that the GOP won't –can't– budge on the issues which matter to women and hairdressers, and Michael Steele already tried unsuccessfully to make the Republican message work in "urban/suburban hip-hop settings," and that's why appealing to Hispanics is the their only hope, or so they think. Let's look into the PSP crystal ball skull to see what the next few years of right-wing punditry and campaigning will look like:

  • December 10, 2012: Fox and Friends debuts new, wider couch designed to accommodate five people wearing three-foot-wide novelty sombreros.
  • February 6, 2013: Peggy Noonan seen walking timidly into Upper East Side Chipotle, staring at the menu, and uttering, "Oh my god."
  • April 30, 2013: Bobby Jindal grows mustache, looks in mirror, says to himself, "I could pass."
  • January 12, 2014: Paul Ryan complains of back pain after photo shoot for re-election literature which shows him sitting on the ground, knees up, head down, taking a siesta at base of saguaro.
  • May 25, 2014: Washington Post ombudsman takes George Will to task for over-reliance on obscure Gabriel García Márquez, Isabel Allende references in his columns. 
  • August 30, 2014: New Mexico governor Susana Martinez throws hands up in the air, can't figure out how to fit yet another rally appearance into her schedule.
  • September 15, 2014: Discovery Channel's new reality show "Bristol Palin: South of the Border!" debuts, flops.
  • December 18, 2015: Arizona governor Joe Arpaio thrilled to announce that Nogales has been chosen as the site of 2016 Republican National Convention.
  • January 4, 2016: In desperate last-ditch effort to win Iowa caucus, Rick Santorum changes first name to "Speedy."
  • April 2, 2016: South Carolinians  startled when official portrait of Nikki Haley, showing the governor with a unibrow and mustache and clutching monkeys, is unveiled.
  • October 11, 2016: Nominee Marco Rubio's campaign workers pass out GOP-branded maracas at rally.


15 comments:

Matthew Hubbard said...

Some great gags here, PSP. But of course, it's a big problem convincing a group of people your group doesn't hate them when a lot of your group actually does.

LuluMaude said...

A truly glittering moment. When I have read about the need for the GOP to 'get with the times', I've had similarly snarky visions, but none so richly fulfilled.

HRH King Friday XIII, Ret. said...

Bobby Jindal mustache... hehehehehe :)

Dr. Monkey Hussein Monkerstein said...

Bobby Jindal passes for straight every day.

dianegsocialist said...

Monkeys! I like monkeys!

Anonymous said...

On foreign policy:

Nacho Cheese!

michael said...

Rick as Speedy and Hillary as "El Gringo Pussygato" would be a great debate. Just need to make sure Candy Crowley is available though. Fingers crossed!

samael7 said...

I am in awe of your prescience.

Also, Peggy Noonan astounded in a Chipotle: Bwahahaha! It's funny because I don't like her very much!

Aunt Snow said...

Nikki Haley with unibrow and mustache - don't forget the braids and China poblana peasant blouse!

The Cat's Meow said...

Would Republicans understand these references? Well, maybe "Speedy."

Alex said...

Ha! Just an hour ago I was at the Diego & Frida exhibit here in Toronto where "Autorretrato con monos" was on prominent display.

CeterisParibus said...

The project is already well underway. Witness: http://latino.foxnews.com

Lulu Maude said...

Hey Peteykins... thankful for you.

Comrade Physioprof said...

Nominee Marco Rubio's campaign workers pass out GOP-branded maracas at rally.

This one could actually happen!

Karen Zipdrive said...

Whoa, isn't that seahag Jan Brewer governor of Arizona and Arpaio is the sheriff who makes inmates wear pink underwear?
You were probably being ironic and I missed it, but when I hear the word Arizona my mind immediately pictures that racist old bitch Brewer. Ghandhi would have bitch slapped that old battleax.