Monday, May 07, 2012

What If The Hosts Of Fox And Friends Were Suddenly Transformed Into Trained Seals?

  • Monday: Harried set designers are relieved to have found an upholstery fabric for the couch which is both presentable and waterproof.
  • Tuesday: Brian Kilmeade balances stool on snout, makes derisive comment about Barack Obama.
  • Wednesday: Gretchen Carlson can't stop clapping and barking excitedly after guest makes a derisive comment about Barack Obama.
  • Thursday:  Accusations of racism erupt when Steve Doocy compares Barack Obama to a killer whale.
  • Friday: Hosts become churlish and uncooperative with trainers when sardine supply is exhausted much earlier than expected.


The Cat's Meow said...

I thought killer whales were black AND white.

choff said...

Doocy can keep his name; Gretchen will have to change hers to "Dixie", Brian Kilmeade to "Slappy".

samael7 said...

I think the more pressing question is, "Why HAVEN'T the hosts of Fox and Friends been replaced by trained seals?"

I see nothing but ratings gold, should this scenario unfold.

Plus, bonus added coherence, accuracy!

Kalkaino said...

The first consequence of the seal-swap would a large uptick in the show's collective IQ. This would alienate most of its audience.

Lulu, the Dewey Dame said...

Because trained seals eat so much raw fish, the smell in the studio would be unbearable.

This fact, and this alone, keeps those dopes on their sofa.

Divine post.