Wednesday, April 28, 2010

What Part Of His Body Will Mitch McConnell Eat Next Once He's Finally Finished The Years-Long Process Of Devouring His Own Lips?

(Photo: via Talking Points Memo, no date provided.)

Seriously, I want to know! Nose or chin? Or do you think he'll go for something more distant from his mouth, like his toes or nipples?

It reminds me of this wonderful poem from Monty Python's Big Red Book (Methuen, 1971):

Much to his Mum and Dad's dismay
Horace ate himself one day.
He didn't stop to say his grace,
He just sat down and ate his face.
"We can't have this!" his Dad declared,
"If that lad's ate, he should be shared."
But even as he spoke they saw
Horace eating more and more:
First his legs and then his thighs,
His arms, his nose, his hair, his eyes...
"Stop him someone!" Mother cried
"Those eyeballs would be better fried!"
But all too late, for they were gone,
And he had started on his dong...
"Oh! Foolish child!" the father mourns
"You could have deep-fried that with prawns,
Some parsley and some tartar sauce..."
But H. was on his second course:
His liver and his lights and lung,
His ears, his neck, his chin, his tongue;
"To think I raised him from the cot
And now he's going to scoff the lot!"
His Mother cried: "What shall we do?
What's left won't even make a stew..."
And as she wept, her son was seen
To eat his head, his heart, his spleen.
And there he lay: a boy no more,
Just a stomach, on the floor...
None the less, since it was his
They ate it – that's what haggis is.


Lady Wesley said...

"Seriously, I want to know! Nose or chin?"

Chin?? What chin?

Madduane said...

I'm putting my money on right foot. maybe he'll surprise us all and start with his own ankle.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Well, we know his chin must have been delicious, so now he's working his way up.

samael7 said...

His permanent lip/mouth subduction is hilariously consistent in most pictures I've seen of him. Didn't his momma warn him his face'd get stuck that way?

It's possible, of course, he'll start on the next most readily-available-to-his-mouth body part: his sigmoidal colon.

Bartman said...

Notice how he casts a brown shadow on the Alaska lady.