Monday, June 02, 2008

Picture You (Not Me) in Fabulous Abstinence Pants



OMG, so unfair! K-mart is selling some fabulous pants for girls with totally effective abstinence messages on the butt. Well, to say I got super-excited by this innovative sartorial development is an understatement. I really wanted some of those abstinence pants! But then I looked and looked, and there are no abstinence pants for boys! Boo! Now how am I supposed to make my ass look more thoughtful, more spiritually pure?

I guess this whole "abstinence" stuff is just a chick thing.

Alternative title for the post: "I've got my abstinence pants and I need to dance."


UPDATE: If you enjoyed this story, you may also enjoy Swift Boat Veterans for Abstinence.

16 comments:

HRH King Friday XIII said...

On the butt? Shouldnt the writing be on the crotch? What exactly are they trying to do again? IS this about anal sex? I'm confused.

Princess Sparkle Pony said...

Maybe it's just a reminder that when you do have sex (for procreation, natch), to do it in the Missionary Position™.

Phil said...

Sex in general would be a great deal easier if instructions were spelled out on the pants.

FranIAm said...

WAIT?! Are you telling me that you are not a chick????

Another image shattered.

I so want to get a pair of those pants and add to them...

True love waits... for no one!

jterry said...

Perhaps if they came in a less unflattering color scheme, I'd get some. After all, we're all virgins here, right? Totally just like our hero Condi.

drew in sf said...

Bold abstinence screen print.

That's what your feministing.com link sez that K-Mart sez about the product. Bold abstinence screen print.

I prefer daring teetotaler decoupage, meself.

Matty Boy said...

Abstinence apparel should cover the abs. This is obviously ass-tinence apparel, and the Princess is correct as always that this sends a confusing mixed message.

Madduane said...

I think it's really great that they put this message on the easiest kinda pants to pull down. totally mixed message; very hot.

Muscato said...

I wouldn't worry, Princess - I think that gallivanting around town in a pair of girls' sweatpants, screenprint or no screenprint, would pretty much guarantee your abstinence.

Not that you wouldn't be perfectly fetching, of course; just a particularly obscure object of desire...

karenzipdrive said...

Hmm, I guess then if a 14-year-old girl thinks she found her true love, there's no need to wait.

Princess Sparkle Pony said...

Muscato: Your comment makes me wonder, then, if I'd have to be played by two different actresses?

Bartman said...

If a big-butted abstainer was given a serious wedgie, it would read True Waits, which would only confuse onlookers.

dguzman said...

Words fail.

Anonymous said...

Abstinence pants - accessorized with a chastity belt, perhaps?

ProblemWithCaring said...

Its printed on the booty, cause that's *how* True Love can wait -- by taking it up the ass.

Anonymous said...

Say, they are now marked down! What does THAT say about True Love?