OMG, so unfair! K-mart is selling some fabulous pants for girls with totally effective abstinence messages on the butt. Well, to say I got super-excited by this innovative sartorial development is an understatement. I really wanted some of those abstinence pants! But then I looked and looked, and there are no abstinence pants for boys! Boo! Now how am I supposed to make my ass look more thoughtful, more spiritually pure?
I guess this whole "abstinence" stuff is just a chick thing.
Alternative title for the post: "I've got my abstinence pants and I need to dance."
UPDATE: If you enjoyed this story, you may also enjoy Swift Boat Veterans for Abstinence.