Monday, February 25, 2008

Stay Klassy, Florida

Ooh, neat! Florida, I think it's super that you're thinking of having festive "Confederate Heritage" plates:




How chic! But why not add a few other designs? Here, I've made some for you:










Luv,

Princess Sparkle Pony

45 comments:

Jon said...

I would find it difficutlt not to vandalize a car with a confederate heritage plate. Call it my yankee heritage. It might even be necessary to carpetbag their ass and drive the car off to be sold for parts. Hey, don't try and deny me the right to honor my heritage.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Once again, PSP proves to be the ubermaster of Photoshopping.
The Anita Bryant plate really put you over the top. Brilliant!
I live in redstate Texas and even we don't fuck around (much) with that loathesome confederate flag.
Thank you, Miss Pony, for taking the time to create these hilarious plates.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Brilliant.

Anonymous said...

I grew up in Florida. PSP, those license plates you designed are so typical of what I experienced during my childhood. Funny, but scary.

Jess Wundrun said...

While I bow to your photoshopping skills and finely honed sense of snark, I'm afraid the real thing is actually far more frightening than those you've made up.

I'm with jon. I dare BillyBob Floridian to drive to, say, Detroit in his hillbillie rig and make it back home alive.

Inaudible Nonsense said...

@jess: Detroit? Hell he's not going to get past the two or three counties in the center of the state? That car would be chopped and sold for parts in any of Florida's fine metropolises in a matter of minutes, similarly his organs would be harvested and sent to Cuba.

Distributorcap said...

and no Katherine Harris plate?

Brian said...

Beautiful work. I've added a link to it over at my place.

anjiaoshi said...

I am infinitely awed by how Southerners can endure the cognitive dissonance created by simultaneously celebrating a 145-year-old act of mass treason and insisting that they're more American than the rest of us.

Carmen Sutra said...

Thank you, Karen, for not making me humiliate myself by asking PSP to explain the last one. I totally didn't recognize Mrs. B without the blood on her hands.

karenzipdrive said...

I wish more people were on hand to witness Anita Bryant making a total ass of herself when she went on her homophobic spree.
She lost her Florida orange juice gig because the screwdriver drinking faction of the gay community boycotted drinking OJ.
She brought her creepy campaign to Los Angeles, where I was living at the time, and the gay community put on a show at the Hollywood Bowl that featured Bette Midler, Lily Tomlin, Richard Pryor and many more.
Anita was basically laughed out of town, thus ending her crusade and career.

ish said...

those are brilliant!

The Earth Bound Misfit said...

All that's missing is a swastika license plate.

dguzman said...

At first I thought (hoped?) it was Connie Francis; then I realized it was just Crazy Anita. I too remember her jumping the shark on the anti-gay thing. Ick.

Anonymous said...

Re hating on Anita Bryant:
Let us stipulate that AB said some pretty hateful things in the 70s. And let us further stipulate that people can do things that are so bad that it doesn't matter if they later recant and repent--we have to keep slamming them anyway to make our point. But for what it's worth AB did recant, and we did make our point. She told Ladies Home Journal that she regrets the whole thing and she has more of a live-and-let-live attitude now. Did she personally apologize to everyone? No. Did she become a champion of equal rights? No. So is everything even, no harm, no foul? Of course not. But AB learned a hard lesson and she admitted it. No public personality of her stature has wanted anything to do with anti-gay crusading after seeing what her bigotry did to her own career. C'mon, people: we won this one. She could have been more gracious about the whole mess, but so can we.

samael7 said...

I was born and raised there, albeit in Miami.

What the hell is happening to my former home state?

I mean, yeah, we've had gangsters there since my dad was an usher on Miami Beach in the 40s, and the 80s cartels were just some high-spritied nostalgia, really, honestly. And Carl Hiaasen exaggerates in his novels. Well, okay, not very much.

But still -- GAH!

I guess I can find some pity for Anita. Her life hasn't gone too well since then, at least by Wikipedia's account, and she's still dogged by her past (although as I recall, the pernicious "recruit" meme still is around, even if she's distanced herself from it, not that she started it).

She doesn't have to love hairdressers, although the religion she purports to follow has a few things to say about general love-thy-neighborness stuff, but whatev. If she's genuinely penitent for the hurt she caused and setting back tolerance a generation in Miami-Dade, I'll raise a glass of orange juice in her honor. Preferably with some vodka in it.

Anonymous said...

You forgot the burning cross.

Anonymous said...

Dang! Someone took the burning cross!

How about Katherine Harris with a strap on boning JEB the Lesser?

BillyWitchDoctor said...

She told Ladies Home Journal that she regrets the whole thing and she has more of a live-and-let-live attitude now.

Well, gosh, that's darn white of her--developing that attitude after she got her ass handed to her.

Steaming Pile said...

This April 20th, in honor of my late father-in-law who fought in World War Two for Germany, I should fly the Third Reich flag from the front of my house. It's heritage, dammit!

Anonymous said...

This seems more Alabammy to me. Florida would be more Seminole massacree, Spanish subjugation of the Indians, etc.

Ozymandias said...

If Wikipedia's account is to be believed it seems that Bryant suddenly saw the light about fundamentalist bigotry after her old compatriots threw her under the bus for getting a divorce. How convenient for her.

Anonymous said...

"No public personality of her stature has wanted anything to do with anti-gay crusading after seeing what her bigotry did to her own career. "

Yeah, right. Unless you count almost every politician who supports DOMA and the counterparts in each state, or pretty much every televangelist, EVER, etc.

Scott L said...

Great stuff. Submitted to Reddit.

Super Jesus said...

That's brilliant, just in time for our first black president!

Super J.

B said...

It is a sad state that our public school system does not teach history.

The confederates did not fight FOR slavery..they fought FOR FREEDOMS. Freedoms that were being taken away from them. Did you know that more Blacks fought on the confederate side than the Union side? Did you know that a lot of those slaves once free then went back and worked on the plantations that enslaved them?

Slavery was not the reason to start the war according to Abe Lincoln until after it was being seen as an unpopular war. (sound familiar? Kind of like the whole WMD to me.)

This is why the USA is in the shape it is in now...to many pussies without the correct information not wanting to fight for FREEDOM.

I am a black man proud that my ancestors fought and lived and passed stories on from his time in the civil war.

Ool said...

Reminds me of my redesign of the Star-Spangled Banner I once proposed…

NSSA flag

And just why won’t they grant my German ass permanent US resident status? Beats the hell out of me…

Princess Sparkle Pony said...

Wow, "b", you just totally blew my mind!

OK, the Civil War had nothing to do with slavery, but, rather, the rights to have slaves if they wanted to. And they wanted to.

I stand corrected!

Bobbb - Citizen of Earth said...

Confederate Heritage?

This is something to be so proud of that you would emblazon you car with custom plates?

Confederate Heritage says:

"We were proud to be slave owners"
and
"we fought for slavery and LOST"

either way - you look like an idiot

I remember an old Bugs Bunny cartoon where in an effort to be a nuisance, he cuts Florida loose and sends it adrift into the Gulf of Mexico…

Now where oh where did I ever leave my ripsaw?

heydave said...

Your photoshopping technique is unstoppable!

Heraldblog said...

I remember an AB press conference back then, when Mr. Bryant gave his wife a squeeze and a kiss, then looked at the cameras and said "This is what heterosexuals do, fellas."

maya said...

What else can you expect from the flaccid dripping penis of America?

Ryoga M said...

B,

What Freedom are you talking about? The Freedom to own another human being against their will, thus violating that person's Freedom? Or the Freedom to order their state laws in the way they saw fit? States' Rights, in other words?

If you argue States' Rights you have to explain a great many things. What about the Fugitive Slave Law that would force Northern states to return run-away slaves, even when it was against the law of that Northern state? What about the Southern states attempting to export the institution of slavery into the American territories regardless of the anti-slavery sentiments of the majority population of those American territories? What about Dred Scott which stated Black people could NEVER be citizens, and never partake of the Freedoms enshrined in the Constitution, regardless of their status as Free or Slave, no matter what Northern states said?

Crap on a cracker, what do you think would have happened to your relatives if the side they fought for had won the Civil War? They would get to own some slaves of their own? Not Black slaves, that's too passe. Maybe they could buy some nice White slaves of their own. Oh right, that would never happen, because the Freedom the Southerners were fighting for was to own Black people, not White people.

I'm sorry they fought on the wrong side of the war, but, Christ, man, so what? You don't have to try to justify every stupid thing your ancestors ever did.

By the way, did you grow up in the South? Because that would explain everything.

will said...

I grew up in The South (in New Orleans, actually), and I still can't stomach the concept that the Confederate flag has a place anywhere outside of a history text book.

All those arguments that people floated when I was growing up - it's about states' rights, blah blah blah - are such transparent crap. Anyone who's read even the most perfunctory Civil War history knows the South seceded because Lincoln wasn't inclined to allow slavery in new territories and they didn't like that. "States' rights"? Yeah, how about human rights?

KYJurisDoctor said...

That's hilarious!

http://OsiSpeaks.com or http://RealConservativesSpeak.com

Anonymous said...

Well, according to the inglorius "Dr." Rice, slavery, segregation, etc. would have ended on its own, without any intervention.

deuddersun said...

Linked to you a little indirectly by linking to the link at Alternate Brain, accompanied by my own thoughts on the subject. Warning, my post may be regarded as "insensitive" to Southerners, but what the fuck, in my mind it's right in line with their own unsensitive sensitivities.

Nice job. Gonna have to blogroll you.

d.

Jake said...

Who thought this would be a good idea? The confederate plates, that is.

Laughed a lot. Good stuff.

alonewolf said...

Yeah I grew up in Miami-Dade also. Ms. Bryant showed up at the hospital when my father was sick. She was wearing tiny oranges as earrings - really! She wanted to interview my father for a book she was writing. Dad's administrative assistant put an end to Anita's plan and unceremoniously sent her packing.

To this day when someone mentions intolerance - I think of AB.

godfrey said...

Dear Upholders of Confederate Heritage:

You were traitors.
You lost.
Get over it.

Now let's go get something to eat.

Kenny said...

I was in college longer than the confederacy was a nation. There IS no such thing as Confederate her\itage, unles you can have heritage in being a bunch of backwards sore losers.

Anonymous said...

I am not from Florida but I still support the plate and think that your other plates are i very bad taste.
Do you not have anything better to do with your day?
If you want to have a problem with this flag for flying during the civil war then why don't you have a problem whith the American Flag flying over the Vietnam war.
A flag may bring up feelings but only you are responsible for your actions.

Anonymous said...

You sorry ass fools. Funny about the liberal yank mentioning he would vandalize a vehicle with confed heritage plates. i'd be glad to send one of these .45 in through your face and out the back of your head while your in the act of doing so. Funny you would think people would be offended. i drive through some of the worst enighborhoods in miami with a battle flag on the front of my lexus, and not once has any thug wannabe done a damned thing, even if i wished they tried... I bet you fools didn't even know that slavery was legal in certain union states during the war, and the imancipation prolimation only effected southern states not int there control, not the union slave states. And the fact that lincoln offered the south that he would promise not to mess with slavery when he begged them to come back to the union, inwhich they did not. So much for your fighting on the key bases of slavery argument. But then again, that's your history version right? heh, Funny how politics misconstrew everything.

Anonymous said...

Read the first paragraph of the Declaration of Independence.

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