Monday, January 28, 2008

I Screamed and Screamed as the Floodwaters Advanced and My Wife Gave Birth in a Snake-Filled Tree

Now that, Pony Pals™, is how to write a headline. I wish I could take credit for it, but those laurels rest upon the venerated National Enquirer, who ran (and illustrated!) that exact headline sometime during the mid-80s. Yes, I'm having tabloid nostalgia. But still, I don't, honestly, expect it to ever be topped.

But! I think I have a new runner-up for favorite headline ever:




BOYZILIANS. I, too, am currently going wild right this very second for boyzilians. Please repeat the excellent headline over and over, at least ten times, until you, too, are wild for boyzilians. Now we are all. WILD. For Boyzilians! Stay klassy, Guardian UK!

Swish of the combable tail to Pony Pal Adam!

11 comments:

mr pinky said...

This activity could provide a route of entry for MRSA!

Matty Boy said...

Your headline choice is a corker, Princess, but the NY and Boston tabloids have done some wonders as well, though more succinct.

I put two of my favorites in all caps, because that's how they should be read.

HEADLESS BODY FOUND IN TOPLESS BAR

MOTHER OF TWO KILLS ONE

To PonyPals everywhere, limit yourself to seven words or less and try to do better. It's more challenging than Sudoku!

Lamb Cannon said...

if you find any extra boyzilians could i please have one you um, didn't want?

karenzipdrive said...

I get past the hairy men dilemma by chasing women. They too can be pretty hairy if left unchecked, but even the butch ones tend to keep their gardens neatly trimmed.
IMO, totally hairless adults are a little too close to resembling children in the "down there" department. Eeuwww.

HRH King Friday XIII said...

The Guardian must have come up with that Boyzillian headline using their gay words refridgerator magnets.

divageek said...

Best post title of 2008. Already. :)

xxxooo Sparkles

divageek

dguzman said...

What Karen said, and I'll add that the local small-town rag tops the chart for Most Obvious Hedlines:

HUNTERS EAT BREAKFAST
COMMISSIONER IS ELECTED

With gems like that, it's a wonder the Centre Daily Times isn't threatening to outdo the NYT on subscription rates. AND we have Mutts on the comics page!

isabelita said...

'Man Explodes on Operating Table"

"Bean Sprouts Cause Cancer"

"Bush Fucked"

drew in sf said...

Completely (oh so!) off the subject, but the headline of this post reminds me of an episode of the "600 years of this world and the next"-scaling, alt-history novel, The Years of Rice and Salt by Kim Stanley Robinson.

I may be misremembering this vignette, but during the Chinese colonization of the North American west coast there is a major flood in alt-California's Central Valley. A Chinese man and a very pregnant Japanese woman are trying to help each other survive. She gives birth to her baby in a tree, and they then have to defend the baby from all the other animals who are taking refuge in the tree.

Anyway, that's not even close to the best part of the book. Sorry to go all non-sequitur but I'm taking a chance to plug a novel that a few years ago became one of my all time favorite reads.

ukaedwfw

Muscato said...

From the late, great Weekly World News:

TOILET BABY MIRACLE

FAMED PSYCHIC'S HEAD EXPLODES

In my mind, they've never been topped

Major Mel Funkshun said...

Weekly World News always had the best headlines:
BIGFOOT STOLE MY WIFE!
And made her pregnant!