John Boehner: Fashion Bully. Also: Fox News Personality Is Obviously A Hairdresser

I'm kind of ambivalent about this Politico article about how John Boehner is a freelance fashion critic, forever barking at reporters to polish their shoes or comb their hair. On the one hand, somebody so devoted to the tanning bed that his skin tone is somewhere in between a baseball mitt and a nectarine really shouldn't be throwing stones. On the other, Boehner IS always immaculately turned out: his suits are always perfect, as are his ties. But his sartorial perfection is incredibly boring and his suits are as invariably black or gray as his shirts are white. I don't think I've ever seen him even in navy blue, so in the end he comes across as a conservative fashion bully, and that hardly makes him unusual in Washington. I believe if I ever met him in person, he'd probably take a box cutter to whichever plaid sports coat I was wearing at the time.

This part of the article, however, is hilarious:

Boehner's disapproval of Bishop's throwback suit was tame compared with comments he made in 2009 about Fox News's Chad Pergram's black-on-black ensemble being "too metrosexual." Pergram described his outfit in a piece* he penned after he became a Boehner fashion victim. "My getup: a black and white houndstooth jacket, a black shirt, a black tie and black pants. I finished everything off with a black pocket square," he wrote.

Too metrosexual? Isn't that a code word for too homosexual? In the case of Fox's Pergram, I'd say unequivocally yes, as evidenced by this high-concept ensemble:

Haw haw! Too matchy! OK, so the topic of this post has changed from "John Boehner is a judgemental asshole" to "spot the homo Fox News personality." Fair enough; that's how the internet works, so let's proceed, leaving Mr. Boehner behind.  That same bio page for Pergram states that he lives alone in Alexandria with his corgi. Hellooooo Mary! I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that Boehner isn't the only person who apparently dislikes precious Mr. Pergram, because the bio linked above doesn't exactly say he lives alone with his corgi; it says this:

He lives in Alexandria, VA, with a vile Welsh Corgi named Hampton.

So not only is the corgi named Hampton, it is vile. Honestly, it really says that.

I think our work is done here.

*You have to read Pergram's self defense, in which he unconvincingly claims to wear John Deere hats in his off hours. More like clam diggers and Pet Shop Boys tour shirts, I'm guessing.