Tuesday, January 18, 2011

New & Improved PSP Zodiac Signs!

Click for bigger!

Why not? A lot of kids have been talking about astrology lately, for some reason. The "star signs" are changing or something? Or they already changed? I always love an argument about the meaningless, so I figured I'd throw my hat into the ring and create a new, more interesting and modern zodiac for everybody! Yay!

The first thing you'll notice is that not all the signs are divided evenly, though most still cover 30 days, more or less. Some, however, like the "Doll Photographed at Disaster Scene" are more rare, and the sign of the Pucci Scarf is very exclusive, indeed. "Nauga" and "Novelty Cuff Links" are the most common signs. Note, too, that if you were born on November 30, you simply don't have a sign in this new system; sorry, that's just the way it goes. No more astrology for you. Also, some of the signs might seem a little unpleasant, but at least there's no "Cancer."

If you want a horoscope, get a regular one, you know, from a newspaper or something, and then roll a pair of dice. Whatever number comes up, read the corresponding number under the old system (2 = Taurus,  3 = Gemini, etc.), and that's your horoscope for the day (obviously this means that nobody reads Aries)! That way I don't have to get involved.

Are you excited? What's your sign?

UPDATE: I changed "Plumber's Crack" to "Star-Shaped Sunglasses" because ew, right? Sorry.

24 comments:

Maddiane said...

Wishing I'd been born on November 30... :( my sign under the new system = do not like.

Peteykins said...

Ew, did you get "Dental Hygienist"? Sorry about that.

Partick said...

Yay! Smoking Monkey. How apropos!

davedave said...

Lava Lamp -- Groovy!

RodnOH said...

LAVA LAMP! WHOOP! Better than being a horned goat...

Anne said...

Nauga. Ew. I had to look it up. Thank you for this. I'm going to rush off now and tell all my facebook friends.

Peteykins said...

I'm a Nauga! It's the best one!

Peteykins said...

MadDiane, did you get "Plumber's Crack"? I'll change it for you if you really hate yours.

sfmike said...

I'm a Nauga too. Glad to know it's the best one.

Maddiane said...

Peteykins -- It's not so bad, really. It's novelty cufflinks. I get the spirit of what you're doing, and it's entirely fine.

(Plumber's Crack would have been worse, of course, but any item of male clothing is going to depress me a little. I just gave all my guy clothes to charity, put them all out on my porch this morning, in fact, and you've given me an item back.)

Please don't change anything on my account!

Peteykins said...

Oh, I think Novelty Cufflinks would be a great sign to have! I secretly wish I were a "Smurfette Chatter-Chum" though.

desertwind said...

Lava Lamp the water sign!

That's me.

Fran said...

Hi! It's your favorite Smurfeeee Chatter-Chum here.

I am your favorite? Right? (Blue head downcast, a single, lonely aquamarine tear inches its way down my plastic face... Fade to black. Or blue!)

drew in sf said...

I don't know how great it is to be a Smurfette Chatter-Chum, Petey. I've been saddled with that sign for, lo, these many minutes since I read this article, and I have to say that I look really dreadful in sky-blue.

Fran said...

I see that the smurfy stars aligned so that my fellow Chatter-Chum commented at like the OMG same exact moment as me.

Drew, you can be PSP's favorite if it softens the blue blow... And trust me, I'm not usually very generous!

Smurfette Fran signing off. I see I had a major spelling error in my first comment. It must have been all the excitement.

samael7 said...

Yay! I'm Novelty Cufflinks! It's a dual sign too, like Pisces or Gemini or Puff Pastry*. I love it!

*Well, even if it's not it totally should be, since you eat enough of it and you can double in size. Puff pastry is my rising -- should that be leavened? -- sign, in any case!

Padre Mickey said...

I gotta say, doll photographed at disaster scene is a gazillion times better than trying to figure out if I was a ram or a bull.
Thank you, Princess Sparkle Pony!

drew in sf said...

"Princess Sparklepony's Favorite Smurfette" is not a sobriquet I ever expected to attain in this lifetime!

Nelly Frittata said...

I was so excited because I thought I was a Nauga, but I missed it by one day and instead I'm a Dental Hygienist, ew. Apologies to all your Dental Hygienist readers.

Fran said...

Me either drew in sf, but a Smurfette's gotta have her pink pony dreams 'n shit.

Comrade PhysioProf said...

I am so excited to be Doll Photographed At Disaster Scene!

Anonymous said...

Glad to be a Nauga. Much better than Cancer in any form or definition.

Hawk and Trutle said...

i really enjoyed this thank you

love H&T

choff said...

From "Plumber's Crack" to "Star-Shaped Sunglasses"? I dunno - isn't it illegal or something to change a sign without authorization? If so, you have my unremitting support! I look forward to the day when I can turn to the horoscopes in VOGUE and find something like "Capricorn: Your sign has been discontinued. You are now a Pisces."