Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I Guess Larry Craig's Favorite Airport Restroom was Fun While it Lasted

Oh, goodness, the humiliation continues today for Larry Craig. For those of us who follow this sort of thing, it's deliciously delayed gratification, because Blogactive told us all about the senator's tearoom fandom last October. Oh, sure, none of the major news outlets paid attention to the story then, but they're all reporting it now!

But what of the scene of the crime? I mean... the Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport? I don't know, it doesn't scream sexy to me. The whole public-restroom-sex scene, I must say, has never captured my fancy, although I've got to admit that I've seen some fascinating... documentaries... on the subject.

So anyway, how did the MSPI bathroom, the one near the shoeshine stands, get to be so hot? How did randy hairdressers find out about it? Why, on cruisingforsex.com (link not safe for work!), the exhaustive and exhausting guide to international glory-hole hotspots, natch! There you'll see the whole sordid tale, from singing this particular tearoom's naughty praises to the inevitable warnings that busts (like Senator Larry Craig's!) are taking place. Here's some excerpts of reviews from the airport lavatory's *ahem* glory days:

  • "I was just there and it is still the place to go. I was in there all day and watched several men [pleasure themselves]. One was a TSA agent. He was [pleasuring himself] hard and watching me under the stall. We [pleasured ourselves] so hard he could not help but moan with delight. This is the place to be with a layover."
  • "FYI to visitors: it's the bathroom to the left once you get out of security checkpoint two. This place is unbelievably hot! I sat in a stall for less than five minutes and had two Northwest Airlines employees sit on either side of me, both tapping their feet. They took turns [pleasuring me] under the stall. Then one passed me a note to follow him upstairs. We finished off in a little-used bathroom one floor up. I came back to play some more with the other employee, but he had left. It wasn't too much of a problem, however. The next guy to get in the stall next to mine was gym-built and begging to get [pleasured]. I will definitely come back to this spot!"
  • "Read about this hot spot today and stopped by after getting off my flight. I walked around the corner and a hot, tall, [well-endowed] man was [pleasuring himself] at the urinal. I joined in and motioned him into a stall, sat on the toilet and [pleasured] him until he [had a happy ending]. I didn't get off so I killed some time, came back, stood at the urinal for a few minutes and another guy walked in, turned to glance at my [genitalia], proceeded into a stall, I chose the one next to him and before I knew it we were grabbing each other under the stall. Then his ass came down and squatted and I [pleasured him] until I [achieved a happy ending]. Hot!"

Hott! Ah, but the warning signs were there as early as January, 2007. One could say the writing was on the wall:

While flying through here last weekend I noticed a white shirted security guard standing in the middle of the hallway for nearly two hours within view of the entrance to the bathroom. He had a walkie-talkie.

Uh, oh! That's what cruisingforsex.com calls a heads-up! And sure enough, nothing lasts forever, and in June, dismayed public sex aficionados breathlessly reported to the site the series of busts which ensnared the shamed Republican senator (and Mitt Romney supporter) from Idaho:

  • "I just got busted here. Young white guy sitting in the stall, waiting for you to show cock and then he flashes his badge. I think he and his partner tag team. They cruise lots of sex sites looking for guys to set up."
  • "Twenty people were arrested within the past week. Plainclothes officers wait in the stalls and tap their feet and even put their foot on yours and then arrest you when you look under the stall wall. This is a very homophobic group."
  • "Just a heads up. I exchanged some messages on Craigslist about meeting a guy here, actually pretty tame exchanges. He told me what he was wearing and I sat in the stall next to him. When I showed him my [poultry-related euphemism for male genitalia], I got busted. I won't be doing that again, obviously."

And neither will Larry Craig! Well, not there, at least.

And if you'll pardon me, I have to go wash my hands for about an hour. In my own bathroom.


Diane Griffin said...

I was pleased to learn he was working for Romney.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Minnesota accents are sexy?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, sure, you betcha those accents are sexy!
As for this old queen- yeecch.

Matthew Hubbard said...

I too have mined this mother lode of comedy on my own humble blog this morning, Princess. To try to distinguish myself from the herd of bloggers enjoying the Senator's legal fuss, I used the angle of Larry Craig's first golden showe^H^H^H^H^H moment in the public spotlight, The Singing Senators! To show my deference to royalty, I have also included a link to your interview with John McCain's gay sweater.

HRH King Friday XIII, Ret. said...

These guys need to realize that being gay is no longer today's scandal. It's being a closet case that gets you in trouble.

C Afiado said...

If he resigns the (R) governor who will name his replacement is named 'Butch Otter'.

Not kidding.

Anonymous said...

Hey, King Friday.

If you're a Republican, you can't get elected unless you hate the gays. If you are gay(R), you'll never get elected. Just the way it is.

Peteykins said...

OMG, Butch Otter? Best porno name EVER.

Civic Center said...

That darn cruisingforsex.com. They ruin all the best places with their breathless listings. Can't a person pleasure another person in peace without the internets alerting the cute young police closet cases?

And Butch Otter? You can't make this stuff up.

divageek said...

Sparkles, I have tried to enlighten Talking Points Memo by sending them a link to your post, since they are still asking "What Did Sen. Craig Actually Do?" Thanks for a really funny and really informative post.


dguzman said...

PSP, you've got the hardest-hitting news site on the Internets. Thank you for this informative report, as well as the great photos in Monday's post.

As for Craig himself--eeewww.

Unknown said...

And, remember, boys and girls, this is the location of the Repukeliscum National Convention next summer. We are gonna be hearing about some fun now.

HRH King Friday XIII, Ret. said...

Edith, that's not true. I know it's hard to believe (really, I do), but there ARE openly gay Republican office holders. Take former congressman Jim Kolbe (R-AZ), 11 terms. And former Tempe, AZ, Mayor Neil Gulliano (4 terms) now President of GLADD. And DC Council member David Catalina. Etc., etc., etc. Also, there are some straight allies that aren't opposed to gay marraige who are Republican.

It's the closet cases hanging out in smelly bathroom stalls that gets everyone's attention.

Peteykins said...

Ha ha! Friday, you know I love you dearly, but you're examples are kinda limp. Catania left the Republican Party, and Kolbe retired, and the only reason he was openly gay was because he was outed 3/4 of the way through his tenure, although I will give the Republicans credit for reelecting him. Granted, Arizona Republicans are hardly typical, and even Gulliano got tired of it all and has moved on to greener (non-partisan) pastures.

Not exactly a ringing endorsement of the Log Cabin boys!

Distributorcap said...

i wonder if larry has left a trail of you know what at all the major airports in america

Anonymous said...

And, remember, boys and girls, this is the location of the Repukeliscum National Convention next summer. We are gonna be hearing about some fun now.

Hmmhmm. I hear they're already getting ready to send the nation's surplus male hooker population up here to keep up with demand. :)

Anonymous said...

Another Clown exits the Big Tent~!